


darkness still remains

by princessironspider



Series: darkness exists [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: BAMF Natasha Romanov, Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov Friendship, F/M, James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark Friendship, Natasha Romanov Feels, Natasha Romanov Has Issues, Natasha Romanov Is Not A Robot, Natasha Romanov Needs a Hug, POV Natasha Romanov, POV Tony Stark, Parent Natasha Romanov, Parent Tony Stark, Protective Natasha Romanov, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Has Daddy Issues, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, more to come - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-09-24
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:48:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 32,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25744603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princessironspider/pseuds/princessironspider
Summary: Prequel to my story "darkness will be rewritten"You don't have to read that one first, but I would recommend it!
Relationships: Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov, James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark, Mary Parker/Tony Stark, Natasha Romanov/Tony Stark, Pepper Potts & Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Natasha Romanov, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Series: darkness exists [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1834267
Comments: 93
Kudos: 97





	1. the edge of something new

**Author's Note:**

> It's finally here! I hope you like this chapter, it's just kinda setting up the story so just bear with me until I get more into the story in future chapters!!
> 
> First chapter is inspired by the song "Emerald Eyes" by Anson Seabra, so go give it a listen :) 
> 
> Let me know in the comments what you think!

_"I've spent a thousand nights_   
_Lost in your emerald eyes_   
_Lost in a place where I know you can see my soul_   
_Make me lose track of time_   
_You and your emerald eyes_   
_Finally found a place that I can call my home"_

_~Anson Seabra, "Emerald Eyes"_

_\---_

  
Tony sighed as he looked around the ballroom. He felt restless, tapping his fingers on the tablecloth that was probably worth more than a tablecloth should be. He saw his father send him a glare from across the room, and straightened his back out of habit. That's when he saw a pair of striking green eyes watching him from a few feet behind his father. He smiled at her, and soon she was making her way over to him. He felt a bit guilty as he watched her slim form cross the room. He never liked coming to these things and everyone expecting he was going to attach himself to some hot girl and leave with her. 

In their defense, he always did, but only to get away from the gala. He usually dropped the girl off along the way, using his reputation as a way to escape the stuffy atmosphere around him. 

"You look a little bored." the woman said, as she came to a stop in front of his chair. He let out a laugh as he looked up at her, again noticing her striking eyes. He shrugged, before standing and offering her the chair next to him. 

"Yeah, this isn't my favorite scene, if I'm being honest." Tony replied, waiting for her to sit before reclaiming his chair. 

"But you're here anyway?" she asked, looking over at him with a small smile on her red lips, a question in her voice. He flashed her his best press smile. 

"I just go where the old man tells me to go. I've found it's much easier that way." Tony replied, flagging the passing waiter and grabbing two water glasses, handing one to the woman. She took a sip, before setting the glass down on the table and started studying him with her eyes. He let her for a minute, before he coughed and turned more in her direction. 

"See something you like?" he asked cockily. She raised an eyebrow at his tone before shaking her head. She reached over and grabbed the napkin under his glass and started folding it. 

"I'm seeing a young man who doesn't seem like the type to do as Daddy says, and yet here he is. Care to explain why you're really here?" the woman asked, focus still on the napkin she was folding meticulously. Tony watched her for a moment, debating what to say next. 

"How 'bout this. You give me your name, and I'll tell you why I'm here. It's only fair, you reading into my soul and all." Tony said, and she looked up at him with another small smile before she let out a melodious laugh. She nodded. 

"I suppose that's fair." She hesitated a bit, as if wrestling with something. "Natasha." she said finally, her green eyes meeting his. He could see an emotion lingering in them he couldn't place, before she looked back down at the napkin. He felt himself smiling. 

"Tony." he replied, and she let out a snort this time. Which he should have found repulsive and unladylike, but she seemed to make it sound elegant. 

"I know." she replied, smirking in his direction. He felt a laugh leave his mouth without knowing, and he pointed at her with a teasing smile. 

"Cheeky. I like it. Now, wanna tell me why this napkin is taking so much of your attention?" he asked, looking down at the now triangle shape in her hand. She shook her head, green eyes dancing. 

"Nope. Deal's a deal. You tell me why you're here, and maybe I'll tell you about the napkin." she responded, sitting back in her chair as if ready for a story. He stared at her in awe for a moment, before nodding. He didn't know what it was about this girl, but she had a story, and he couldn't help but want to know every part of it. He settled back in his chair as well.

"Well, I'm home from the summer from MIT." he started, before she furrowed her eyebrows making him stop. 

"You're not old enough to be in college." she stated, not rudely but as if just stating a fact. He nodded with a laugh. 

"Yeah, I get that a lot. But you're right, I'm 16. I started college when I was 14, I'm about to go into my last year. My dad's idea, not mine. I guess when you're the son of a genius, you get some genius genes yourself." Tony said with a shrug, he never really like to brag about his brain to others, despite what others may think. Natasha nodded thoughtfully, before gesturing for him to continue. 

"Anyway, yeah so summer break. I was meant to go home with my buddy Rhodey. But, last minute my Mom called, said I needed to be home. Dad's orders. Of course he would never take the time to tell me himself." he scoffed, before shaking his head and continuing. "But uh, apparently since I'm almost done with college, I need to start acting like the next in line for the company. Which means attending these stupid galas." Once he was finished, he wasn't quite sure what made him spill his issues to a complete stranger. He looked up to see her watching him with that same calculating gaze from before. 

They held each other's gaze, her brilliant green and his soft brown, for a few more moments before she looked away. 

"Okay now, hold your fingers like this." she said, her soft hand wrapping around his and maneuvering them until his index fingers were touching and his thumbs were in the air. He watched her hands before looking up in utter confusion.

"What?" he choked out, earning a small laugh from her. 

"I told you I would explain the napkin. Now hold your hands still like that." she instructed, before she balanced the folded napkin. She eyed his fingers for a moment, before flicking the napkin, which then flew between his fingers and landed behind his hands. He looked from the napkin to her for a moment before she arranged her hands like his were. 

"It's called paper football. Now it's your turn." she said nodding to the napkin that was still sitting in front of him. He looked at her for another moment, before shrugging. 

"What the hell. Okay." he balanced the napkin like she did, before flicking it. His shoulders slumped when the napkin didn't even get get remotely close to her hands. She let out another laugh, her face lighting up. He shook his head at her before she gestured that it was her turn. 

They played for another thirty minutes, and by the time Tony finally got the hang of it, he noticed the guests getting ready to leave. He slipped the makeshift football into his pocket before he stood up, offering Natasha a hand. 

"Thanks, you made this whole thing...a lot more bearable." he said, giving her hand a squeeze before letting go. He stood still as she placed a kiss on his cheek, giving him a small smile before she walked away. 

"Hey." he called, watching as she turned back around, "Will I see you at the next gala?" he asked, a small part of him hoping she would say yes. She looked at him for a moment, before giving him a flirty smirk.

"You just might." she replied, before disappearing into the crowd.

\---

The next couple galas came and went before he saw Natasha again. It was one of his mother's banquets this time, meaning the crowd was a bit more bearable than those of his father's. He was having a conversation with one of his mother's largest donors, when he saw her. Her hair was now a dark brown, rather than the soft red it was at the last one. But he knew it was her the second he saw her emerald green eyes.

"Excuse me for a moment would you?" he asked the other man politely, before making his way over to her. 

"You changed your hair." he said instead of a greeting. She turned and her eyes widened a bit in surprise before she schooled her expression into a teasing smile. 

"I get bored easily." she responded quickly. "How did you recognize me?" she asked then, eyes looking around the room once more before settling on his. He smiled.

"You're eyes actually. They are a very distinct shade of green." he replied. She watched him for a moment, and he found himself wondering what the story she was hiding behind those eyes. 

"Good to know." she said, her smile teasing, but he sensed a bit of a serious note in her voice. He shook it off for a moment, before offering his arm. 

"Would you care to dance?" he asked in a fake posh voice. She looked at him with an unamused eyebrow raised, before rolling her eyes and taking his arm. He smiled in victory, before leading her to the dance floor, one of his hands finding her waist while the other held her hand in his. 

"So, I notice you haven't been to the last few of my dad's shindigs." he said, watching as her eyes again swept around the ballroom before settling on him. She gave him a light shrug.

"I find that one can only handle so many of these things. I just pick and choose." she said with a teasing glint in her eyes. He nodded thoughtfully. 

"So why this one?" he asked, continuing to sway them in time to the soft music. She shrugged again. 

"Seemed like a good cause." she replied. He nodded, falling silent for a few minutes as they danced. A thought came to his mind, before he stopped abruptly. 

"Wanna go get some burgers?" he asked suddenly, and she looked at him in shock for a moment before looking down at her shimmering gold cocktail gown. 

"Dressed like this?" she asked, one eyebrow raised. Tony nodded, grabbing her hand, leading them to the coatroom. 

"That's half the fun." he said, handing Natasha her purse, and grabbing his dress coat. She shook her head at him, before letting him lead her to the parking lot. She let out a startled noise when they passed right by the valet station, and kept walking. 

"Where are we going?" she asked, wrapping her arm more securely into his as they walked. 

"I told you, burgers." he said. 

"We're walking?" she asked, pulling him to a stop, forcing him to turn and look at her. He felt a bit guilty as he looked down at her heels. 

"I mean...yeah. Unless you'd rather not? It's not that far." he replied, feeling a bit nervous, something in him not wanting to upset Natasha. But she surprised him by rolling her eyes at him. 

"No, it's fine. I was just checking." she replied, before leaning down and slipping off her heels and handing them to him. 

"Least you could do is carry those." she replied, before looping her arm back through his, forcing them to both continue walking.

They walked in comfortable silence until they reached an old fashioned diner on the corner of the street. Natasha looked at him with a raised eyebrow, and he just smirked and opened the door for her, following after her. The older woman at the counter looked up from a magazine and her face stretched into a fond smile when she saw them. 

"Tony! It's been so long. You've gotten taller." she said, walking over giving him a once over and a tight hug. He patted her on the back and revealed in the comfort for a second before letting go. 

"Now Tony, who's this?" she asked looking over at Natasha, before sending a wink over to Tony. He rolled his eyes and went to answer before Natasha beat him to it. 

"I'm Nat." Tony furrowed his eyebrows a little at the introduction but watched as Natasha stuck her hand out in greeting. 

"Well, Nat you can call me Nana. And I'm a hugger, so come here." Nana said, pulling Natasha into a hug, that seemed to shock her causing her green eyes to widen a bit as she tentatively returned the hug. Nana pulled away and patted them both on the cheek. 

"I'll go get you two some burgers, sit wherever you'd like." Nana finished, before heading into the kitchen. He motioned for Natasha to pick any of the empty booths, and she headed for one in the back corner, sitting herself down facing the entrance. He followed with a smile, slipping down across from her. 

"So, she certainly knows you." Natasha said after they both sat down. Tony laughed with a nod, watching as Natasha reached for a napkin and began to fold it into another football.

"Yeah. I used to come here a lot when I was in high school to get away from...uh everything. Nana noticed me and took me under her wing I guess? Her real name is Pat but I guess all the regulars call her Nana. She says all her customers are like the grandchildren she never had." Tony finished, watching Natasha's face form a soft smile as she listened, eyes still focused on folding the napkin. When she was finished she held it up in challenge. 

"Rematch?" she asked, and Tony snorted. 

"You know it. I'll get you this time, I can feel it in my bones." he replied, positioning his fingers for her turn as she rolled her eyes and balanced the ball. 

-

A couple hours later, Natasha was waiting by the door as Tony went to say goodbye to Nana. He gave her a tight hug, but before he could move away she nudged his shoulder. 

"Don't let that one get away, hun. She's a keeper." Nana said, nodding over to where Natasha was standing looking around the diner. Tony felt something warm inside and smiled. 

"Don't worry Nana, I'm not planning on letting her go." he replied softly, and Nana gave him an approving smile. 

"Good. Now get. Never leave a woman waiting." she scolded, pushing him away from the counter towards Natasha. She looked at him curiously but he just waved her off and offered her his arm. 

"Shall we, milady?" he asked, earning a quiet laugh from Natasha before she nodded, taking his arm. 

As they reached Natasha's car, Tony felt panic bubbling in his stomach. He didn't want to say goodbye, and he wanted to ask to see her again, he just didn't know how. They came to a stop in front of her car, and he reached over to open her door, before pausing. 

"Next month. My dad's having another gala for...something, who knows. But it's my last gala before I go back to school..." Tony trailed off, looking anywhere but the breathtaking woman before him. He knew next to nothing about her, but he knew he wanted to know everything. He was only 16, and he had no idea how old she was, but he felt like there was this connection between them that he couldn't describe. 

Natasha cleared her throat, breaking him out of his reverie. She gave him a soft smile before sliding gracefully into the car. 

"I'll be there." she answered, before the car drove off. Tony watched the car until it disappeared around the corner with a smile on his face. 

\---

"You never like these things, what has gotten into you?" his aunt asked him, straightening his tie. He rolled his eyes, but made a more conscious effort to reign in his excitement at the thought of seeing Natasha again. He shrugged looking over to his aunt who was studying him. 

"It's my last one for a while, guess I'm just ready to get it over with." he replied, but his aunt didn't look convinced in the slightest. She narrowed her eyes at him a bit and he let out a nervous laugh.

"You're hiding something." she stated, her accent thick. Tony shook his head. 

"Nothing bad, Aunt Pegs. Promise. Don't worry about me." Tony said, trying his best to sound confident. She watched him a bit more before her red lips stretched into a smile. She patted him gently on the cheek. 

"Okay, love. But remember, I used to be a spy." she said, winking before walking away. Tony shook off his nerves and continued to watch as the guests filtered in, keeping his eyes open for the familiar green eyes. 

An hour passed and he had almost given up hope, when a figure in a pale pink dress caught his eye. He watched her carefully from afar, waiting for her to turn around. This woman had blonde hair, but when she finally turned, his breath left his lungs at the bright green eyes that he would now know anywhere. She caught his eyes and gave him a small smile, he motioned for her to follow him as he made his way to the back exit. 

He waited for her down a back hallway, when she finally rounded the corner. 

"Tony, what-" she started, coming to stand in front of him. He smiled at her before grabbing her hand and leading her outside. 

"I brought my dad's car. Figured we could drive with the top down, get some fresh air?" he said, leading her over to the classic car. She raised her eyebrow at him.

"Can you even drive?" she asked, a teasing lilt in her voice. He scoffed, pulling out his license. 

"Yes. I just got this thank you very much. Can't guarantee I'm very good, but hey..." he said watching as she rolled her eyes, moving to the drivers side of the car. 

"Then I'll drive." she said, slipping in before he could say anything. But he smiled, and jumped over the side into the passenger seat. 

"I love a girl who takes charge." he joked as she gave him a soft glare before speeding out of the parking lot. They drove in silence for a while, both enjoying each others presence before Tony decided to break the serene atmosphere. 

"You know I liked the red hair better." he said, and she turned to look at him briefly before turning back to the road, her brows pinched in question.

"Yeah? And why's that?" she asked, her voice nonchalant with an undercurrent of an emotion he couldn't place. He watched her side profile for a moment before answering. 

"It just fits. Goes great with your eyes." he replied, missing the awestruck look she sent him when he turned back towards the front window. 

"What's with you and my eyes?" she asked after a few moments, her voice barely heard over the wind. He shrugged his shoulders. 

"They make you stand out, I guess. I always know it's you, despite your hair color." he answered, and he could see her eyebrows pinch minutely in thought. 

"So, favorite food?" Tony asked then, pulling them away from the serious atmosphere. She let out a startled laugh. 

"Pickles." Tony looked at her incredulously before bursting into laughter. She glanced at him in amusement before raising her eyebrow in challenge. 

"Out of all the foods. You choose pickles?" he asked, still trying to catch his breath. She rolled her eyes, laughing a bit herself. 

"I stand by my choice. What about you?" she asked, focusing as she pulled into an empty parking lot next to a deserted park. Once they were stopped Natasha turned her body to him, waiting for him to answer. He rubbed his chin thoughtfully, pretending to think very hard about it, earning a soft slap to his shoulder. 

"Okay. Probably donuts." he says, watching as she nods seriously, before smiling. 

"You see how I reacted? That's how you react when people tell you about themselves." she mocks, poking him in the chest. He could feel his skin tingle where she touched him, and his heart began to beat a little faster. He struggled to think of something else to say, before she finally took pity on him. 

"Okay, something weird about you, go." she says then, patting him on the knee to emphasize her words. He thought about it for a minute, trying to decide how serious to be. 

"I don't like to be handed things." he replied, watching as she tilted her head adorably in confusion. She looked like she was about to ask but he held up a finger, "Ahh that's another question. You gotta answer for you first." She looked at him with annoyance, but nodded, taking a moment to think before she replied. 

"I...don't like toast." she finally says, hesitating a bit. He looked at her for a moment, her eyes looking down pointedly as if embarrassed. He nodded thoughtfully. 

"Toast is pretty weird. Like who looked at bread and was like 'Cook it again'? I understand completely. Okay my question...favorite color?" he asks, watching as she gave him a soft smile as if thankful he didn't make fun of her. 

"Pink." he was a bit surprised at first, but smiled at the answer. 

"You know, I like pink too. Definitely top five colors in my book. I think number one would be..." he thought for a moment watching as her eyes twinkled in the moonlight and suddenly he knew his favorite color. "Definitely green." he answered, trying to keep any emotion out of his voice. He looked at her quickly, but she seemed to not realize what he really meant as she thought of her next question.

They continued this for another two hours, questions becoming more and more ridiculous as they went, before Tony announced he needed to get back to the gala before people got suspicious. Once they got back to the venue, Natasha stopped him before he could head for the doors.

"I'm probably going to call in a night. Thank you though, this was really fun." she said, smiling up at him her hair blowing slightly in the night breeze. He smiled back, tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear. 

"You're welcome. Can I see you again, before I leave for MIT?" he asked quietly, he watched as a hundred emotions flickered between her eyes so quickly he almost missed it if he hadn't been staring at them so intensely. She leaned up and pressed a kiss to his cheek, before backing a few steps away.

"I'll see what I can do, but I think I would like that." she said, before walking away. He let out a content sigh, before heading to the backdoor and slipping quickly back into the ballroom as if he never left. 

"And where have you been?" A voice asked from behind him, he turned to see his aunt standing behind him, her arms crossed. 

"Just went outside for some air." he replied, hoping she wouldn't get suspicious. He didn't know why he felt the need to hide his thing with Natasha, if it even was a thing. He just knew that he wanted it to be something, and he wasn't quite ready to share it. Peggy raised an eyebrow at him.

"For two hours?" she asked then, and his face heated up at being caught. 

"Pegs-" she held up her hand at his words, before rolling her eyes and letting out a sigh.

"Not a word. You're just lucky I love you and covered for you with Howard. But now you need to go mingle, before he realizes you haven't been." Peggy replied with a small smirk. Tony let out the breath he had been holding in relief. He leaned up and gave her a peck on the cheek. 

"You are an angel, Peggy." he said with a smile. She let out a huff of laughter. 

So I've been told. Now go." she said, pushing him gently toward his father. 


	2. lost in the moment, the space in between

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey hey. Another chapter already, aren't you guys lucky!
> 
> This is Natasha's POV of them meeting, so it's a bit repetitive but you get to see what she was thinking this whole time. This is just more set up and then we'll get more into the story. 
> 
> I'm super excited for what I have planned so I hope you guys are enjoying so far!
> 
> This chapter was inspired by "Dawning of Spring" by Anson Seabra. His entire album pretty much gave me the ideas for this story so give it a listen.

_"I got lost while the sunlight was painting us gold_   
_I got lost hoping that we would never get old_   
_I got lost when you walked with your hand in my hand_   
_I got lost when you asked me if I'd like to dance"_   
_~Anson Seabra, "Dawning of Spring"~_

\---

Natasha scanned the crowd out of habit. She knew none of these people were a threat, but her training told her she could never be too careful. She watched Howard Stark from afar, trying to eavesdrop on his conversation when she saw him send a glare across the room. She followed his gaze and saw his son sitting alone at a table. He smiled at her when she caught his eye and she made a split second decision. She doubted he knew much about his father's top secret projects, but maybe she could use him to get close intel on Howard. She walked over to him, noticing him grimacing a bit before she reached him. 

"You look a little bored." she stated, coming to a stop in front of his chair. He let out a laugh as he looked up at her, his eyes a soft brown. He shrugged, before standing and offering her the chair next to him. She nodded gratefully before taking a seat. 

"Yeah, this isn't my favorite scene, if I'm being honest." He said, still standing until she was fully seated. She felt impressed at the manners he had, considering his public reputation. Maybe she could get something more out of him. She studied him for a moment, noting the way that he held himself and how it made him seem uncomfortable. 

"But you're here anyway?" she questioned, making sure to flash him a small smile. He gave a smile that looked way to perfect to be genuine. 

"I just go where the old man tells me to go. I've found it's much easier that way." he replied, and she watched as he flagged down a waiter and grabbed a water glass for the both of them. She smiled gratefully and took a small sip, using this time to study him more, trying to get a read on him. He stared back for a moment before he grew uncomfortable and cleared his throat, turning his body to face her. 

"See something you like?" he asked, a fake air of cockiness in his voice. She could tell he didn't want to be here, but he had to act like he did. She raised an eyebrow at his tone before shaking her head, an idea coming to her mind to put him more at ease. If he felt less nervous, maybe she could prod him for information. She reached over and grabbed the from napkin under his glass and started folding it. 

"I'm seeing a young man who doesn't seem like the type to do as Daddy says, and yet here he is. Care to explain why you're really here?" she asked but keeping her focus on the napkin she was folding, trying to keep her question nonchalant. She could feel him watching her before he answered. 

"How 'bout this. You give me your name, and I'll tell you why I'm here. It's only fair you reading into my soul and all." he said, and she gave him a smile before letting out a laugh. He smiled in return, a little tension left his shoulders and she knew he was getting more comfortable with her. 

"I suppose that's fair." She replied, about to respond with her latest cover name before she hesitated a bit. Something in her wanted to be honest with him, and she didn't quite know why. "Natasha." she heard herself saying, and she looked up at him, surprised at herself. She had never used her actual name on a mission, but yet somehow Howard Stark's son was the one to get it out of her? She mentally shook herself out of that thought and focused back on the man in front of her, who was giving her a smile. 

"Tony." he said, and she felt herself snorting. Which wasn't very dignified, but Tony didn't seem to care. 

"I know." she replied, smirking in his direction. Tony let out a startled laugh before waving his finger in her direction. 

"Cheeky. I like it. Now, wanna tell me why this napkin is taking so much of your attention?" he asked, looking down at the now triangle shape in her hand. She shook her head, making sure she gave him a teasing grin. 

"Nope. Deal's a deal. You tell me why you're here, and maybe I'll tell you about the napkin." she responded, sitting back in her chair, showing him she was ready for his story. He stared at her in awe for a moment, before nodding. He seemed to be wrestling internally for a moment, before he too leaned back in his chair. 

"Well, I'm home from the summer from MIT." he started, and that stopped her short. She could have sworn he was only a teenager. She looked up at him in confusion, trying to see where her observations had gone wrong when he raised an eyebrow at her in question. 

"You're not old enough to be in college." she stated, hoping her observation was still correct. She couldn't afford to get any intel wrong. He nodded with a laugh, and she felt herself let out a near silent breath of relief 

"Yeah I get that a lot. But you're right, I'm 16. I started college when I was 14, I'm about to go into my last year. My dad's idea, not mine. I guess when you're the son of a genius, you get some genius genes yourself." Tony said with a shrug, as if finishing college before he was 18 wasn't impressive. Natasha nodded thoughtfully, before gesturing for him to continue. Tony took a deep breath before speaking again.

"Anyway, yeah so summer break. I was meant to go home with my buddy Rhodey. But, last minute my Mom called, said I needed to be home. Dad's orders. Of course he would never take the time to tell me himself." he scoffed, before shaking his head and continuing. Natasha made a mental note of his disdain towards his father, knowing she could possible use this information in the future.

"But uh, apparently since I'm almost done with college, I need to start acting like the next in line for the company. Which means attending these stupid galas." he finished, with a look of genuine surprise in his eyes as if he didn't know why he said all of that. She watched him for a few moments, studying his soft brown eyes, trying to get a read on him while ignoring a foreign feeling in her stomach. She finally looked down and remembered her original plan. 

"Okay now, hold your fingers like this." she said, reaching over and adjusting his hands in the proper form. He watched with his eyebrows furrowed and his lips pressed into a frown. 

"What?" he choked out, earning a small laugh from her. She thought it was funny that he was suspicious of her for something so trivial.   
If only he knew what she could actually do. She shook that thought off and focused back on Tony.

"I told you I would explain the napkin. Now hold your hands still like that." she instructed, before she balanced the folded napkin. She eyed his fingers for a moment, before flicking the napkin which then flew between his fingers and landed behind his hands. She smiled, as his eyes flicked from her to the paper, as if he was still trying to figure out what just happened. She decided to take pity on him and explain. 

"It's called paper football. Now it's your turn." she said nodding to the napkin that was still sitting in front of him. He looked at her for another moment, before shrugging. 

"What the hell. Okay." he balanced the napkin like she did, before flicking it. His shoulders slumped with the napkin didn't even get get remotely close to her hands. She couldn't help but laugh at the defeated look on his face, and he sent her a smile before gesturing for her turn. A part of her knew she should use this time to prob Tony with questions, to see if he knew anything about Howard's work. But another part, a part she never knew existed, was having fun and didn't want to ruin it. That part of her also didn't want to break Tony's trust in her, however little it was from their limited time together. 

She wasn't sure what to make of these new feelings, but she knew she was probably becoming compromised. She wrestled with these thoughts for a while, as they both continued to switch turns in their game. Eventually she decided she would reevaluate her feelings later, and for now would enjoy the moment. Even if it went against every piece of training she had. 

Soon both Tony and Natasha noticed that the gala was coming to an end. She watched as Tony stood up, offering her a hand. She took it and stood up, waiting to see if he would say anything else. 

"Thanks, you made this whole thing...a lot more bearable." he said, giving her hand a squeeze before letting go. She felt something ignite in her stomach that she couldn't place, before she pressed a kiss to his cheek and turned to walk away. She was still reeling from her actions when she heard him call from behind her. 

"Hey." she turned around to see him standing in the same spot. "Will I see you at the next gala?" he asked, and she knew she should say no. She knew she was only at these things to gather intel, to get close to the Stark families secrets. But something in her also wanted to see Tony again, for purely selfish reasons. She felt herself send him a flirty smirk. 

"You just might." she replied, before she turned and disappeared into the crowd. She hurried to the car waiting for her outside and slipped in quickly. Her handler was in the front seat, and he turned around. 

"Any intel?" he asked, voice gruff and thick with an accent. 

"Nothing substantial, but I have some leads. I will need a little more time." she said, letting her American accent disappear and slip into her Russian one. The man gave a snort but nodded. 

"Very well. You have limited time. Don't mess it up." he stated, before speeding out of the parking lot. She let out a shaky sigh, mind reeling over the events of the night. She had no idea what was going on with her, but she needed to figure it out before she had to face the consequences.

\---

Natasha had decided to avoid the next few galas, and chase a few of her other leads. She needed time to get her mind right, try and shake of Tony's affect on her. But as her luck would have it, she was ordered to go to a banquet for Maria Stark's foundation. She had changed her hair, knowing that was enough for people not to recognize her. She didn't know if she wanted Tony to recognize her or not. 

"You changed your hair." she suddenly heard a voice next to her. She looked over to see Tony standing there, and her eyes widened in shock at the knowledge that he figured out who she was. She cursed herself internally and quickly schooled her expression into one of amusement. 

"I get bored easily." she responded quickly. "How did you recognize me?" she couldn't help but asking, her eyes subconsciously sweeping the room for threats before they settled back on Tony. He smiled down at her.

"You're eyes actually. They are a very distinct shade of green." he replied. She was stunned into silence, but she kept her face blank as she looked at him. Her eyes. She never thought she needed to disguise her eyes, but apparently they were recognizable. 

"Good to know." she said, sending him a teasing smile, but making a mental note to add colored contacts to her list of equipment. She couldn't risk people recognizing her. She also couldn't decide if it was a good or bad thing that Tony recognized her. Her thoughts were interrupted when he held out a hand in her direction. 

"Would you care to dance?" he asked in a fake posh voice. She looked at him with a deadpan expression and rolled her eyes. He didn't move though so she sighed and took his hand, following him to the dance floor. They swayed silently for a moment before Tony spoke up. 

"So I notice you haven't been to the last few of my dad's shindigs." he said, and she felt herself sweeping the ballroom for threats before she could stop herself. She turned her attention back to Tony before shrugging, trying to find the perfect lie. 

"I find that one can only handle so many of these things. I just pick and choose." she said, keeping her voice light and teasing. He nodded, looking deep in thought.

"So why this one?" he asked, continuing to sway them in time to the soft music. She studied him warily for a second, trying to determine his angle, before she shrugged again. 

"Seemed like a good cause." she replied, watching his eyes carefully to see what his reaction would be. He just nodded absently, apparently stuck in his thoughts, before he stopped them suddenly. He looked down at her eyes twinkling. 

"Wanna go get some burgers?" he asked out of the blue. She stared at him then looked pointedly down at her dress. 

"Dressed like this?" she asked, one eyebrow raised. Tony nodded, grabbing her hand, leading them to the coatroom. She knew she should say no, that she should stop him and go back into the banquet. She was supposed to be gathering intel on the Stark family, not running away with their heir to get burgers. But despite what she knew she should do, she stayed silent and followed Tony to the coat room. 

"That's half the fun." he said, handing Natasha her purse, and grabbing his dress coat. She shook her head at him, before letting him lead her to the parking lot. She expected him to lead her to the valet station, but he passed right by it, and she let out a startled noise. She didn't like being out in the open, she fit herself more securely to his side.

"Where are we going?" she asked, unsure if he had been trying to trick her. 

"I told you, burgers." he said, and she narrowed her eyes, pulling him to a stop. 

"We're walking?" she asked suspiciously, and a guilty look passed his face. She knew it, he had tricked her. She was about ready to turn away when he spoke up again. 

"I mean...yeah. Unless you'd rather not? It's not that far." he said, looking to the ground his voice shaky with nerves. She felt her shoulders slump, cursing herself for her paranoia. She shook her head and leaned down to slip off her expensive shoes. 

"No, it's fine. I was just checking." she replied, handing him the shoes. "Least you could do is carry those." she teased, hoping to cover up for her blatantly wrong reading of his intentions. Tony just took the shoes with a laugh, and they continued forward.

They walked in comfortable silence until they reached an old fashioned diner on the corner of the street. Natasha looked at him with a raised eyebrow, and he just smirked and opened the door for her. The older woman at the counter looked up from a magazine and her face stretched into a fond smile when she saw them. Natasha studied her warily from afar, her eyes taking note of all the exits and entrances. She saw one lone diner sitting at the bar down the way, but otherwise the restaurant was empty. 

She was pulled out of her thoughts by the woman's loud voice, coming closer. 

"Tony! It's been so long. You've gotten taller." she said, walking over giving him a once over and a tight hug. Natasha felt a bit uncomfortable, as though she was intruding on a private moment. 

"Now Tony, who's this?" she asked looking over at Natasha, before sending a wink over to Tony. She saw Tony open his mouth to introduce her but she beat him to it. 

"I'm Nat." she replied, picking a safe alias. She didn't know this woman, and she didn't want to give her real name. A lot of her covers were a variation of Natasha, so Nat was safe. A small part of her, that she ignored, felt like she only wanted Tony to know her real name. She saw Tony furrow his eyebrows a bit, but she kept her focus on the woman she was greeting. 

"Well, Nat you can call me Nana. And I'm a hugger, so come here." Nana said, pulling Natasha into a hug, shocking her. Her eyes widened in surprise at the contact, she hadn't had a real hug in years. The woman pulled away and patted both of their cheeks. 

"I'll go get you two some burgers, sit wherever you'd like." Nana finished, before heading into the kitchen. Tony turned to her and gestured to the rest of the room, thankfully letting her pick where they sat. She automatically headed to the corner, sitting where she could see the entire restaurant, out of habit. Tony followed without question and plopped down in front of her. 

"So, she certainly knows you." Natasha said after they both sat down, still feeling a bit off from the hug and wanting to distract herself. She reached for a napkin out of habit and started folding it when Tony laughed. She could see him nod in her peripheral vision. 

"Yeah. I used to come here a lot when I was in high school to get away from...uh everything. Nana noticed me and took me under her wing I guess. Her real name is Pat but I guess all the regulars call her Nana. She says all her customers are like the grandchildren she never had." she listened to Tony talk, and let his voice wash over her. For some reason his voice made her feel calm, and she could feel the nerves from earlier dissipate. When he was finished she held up the football in challenge. 

"Rematch?" she asked, to which Tony responded with a snort. 

"You know it. I'll get you this time, I can feel it in my bones." he replied, positioning his fingers for her turn as she rolled her eyes and balanced the ball. She flicked the paper, watching it fly in a perfect arch through his fingers. He shook his head, before setting up his turn. 

"I don't know how you do it." he said, after his attempt failed, and flew too far to the left. She smirked. 

"Practice. I've got a pretty good aim." she said, smirking knowing he had no idea the reality of her words. He scoffed as another one of her shots flew perfectly into the goal. 

"Yeah. I can see that. Is there anything you can't do?" he asked in a joking manner. His shot got a bit closer this time, but was still off. 

"I can't cook." she replied and he looked up at her with a smile. 

"You can't? Nothing?" he asked incredulously, as if the idea of her not being able to cook was too much to grasp. She rolled her eyes. 

"Nope. I've tried a couple times, but something always goes wrong." she says, lining up her shot again as Tony lets out a laugh. 

"Well, maybe you just need a good teacher." he replies, watching her ball fly through his fingers, before lining up his own shot. She raises an eyebrow at his words, but he doesn't seem to notice. 

"Yeah, are you offering?" she teased and he looked up with a grin. He was about to respond when Nana showed up with their food, setting it on the table before kissing Tony on the head and walking off. 

A couple hours later, Natasha was waiting by the door as Tony went to say goodbye to Nana. She stayed far enough away as not to encroach on another personal moment. She thought about what her bosses would do if they found out she spent the evening playing paper football and eating cheeseburgers with Tony Stark, talking about nothing, when she should have been gathering intel on Howard's projects. She had no idea what it was about Tony, but something about him made her want to keep coming back, and also made her not want to continue with her mission. She was starting to feel guilty lying to him, which never happened. She was literally a spy for the most dangerous organizations in the world, but she was being pulled apart by a 16 year old. 

She was pulled out of her thoughts when Tony came to a stop in front of her. He held out his arm dramatically, causing her to laugh and forget about her troubling thoughts for a moment. 

"Shall we, milady?" he asked, and she nodded, taking his arm. 

They walked back to her car in silence, neither of them feeling the need to say anything. She was glad she drove herself to this banquet, knowing a dark car with a strange man in the front seat would be hard to explain. Once they reached her car, Tony walked over to open her door before pausing, looking up at her anxiety filling his eyes. He struggled to say something for a second before the words came tumbling out. 

"Next month. My dad's having another gala for something, who knows. But it's my last gala before I go back to school..." Tony trailed off, his eyes flickering around looking at everything but her. She knew what he was asking. He wanted to see her again, and for some reason she wanted to see him too. She still had intel to gather, so going to another gala wouldn't be suspicious. Her eyes roamed over his face, his eyes still fixed away from her, and something in her broke. She had to see him again, and she had no idea why. He was young, younger than her though not by much, but there was just something about him. She cleared her throat, getting his attention. She smiled at him softly, getting into the car and rolling the window down. 

"I'll be there." she answered, before she forced herself to turn the car on and drive away. What on earth was she thinking? 

\---

She noticed him the moment she walked in the gala. He was standing next to a tall woman with brown hair, and after a moment she noted it was Peggy Carter. She shuffled in quickly, keeping her head down. Her hair was blonde this time, but she decided against the colored contacts she had purchased. She wanted him to recognize her, but not yet. Her handler was disappointed with the lack of information from the last event, so she decided to avoid Tony for the first hour, and gather as much as she could before he spotted her. 

Around an hour later she had gathered quite a bit of intel from a coworker, who had a little too much to drink, when she felt someone watching her. She turned and met Tony's eyes from across the room. His face lit up as she sent him a smile, and he gestured for her to follow him. 

She wrestled with herself for a moment, watching him head to the back exit, before she made the split second decision to follow him. She had got some valuable information already, so leaving now shouldn't hurt. At least that's what she tried to tell herself. 

"Tony, what-" she started, when she saw him waiting for her in a dark hallway. He just smiled and grabbed her hand leading her out the back door, she followed him blindly until they reached a parking lot and came to a stop in front of a classic car. 

"I brought my dad's car. Figured we could drive with the top down, get some fresh air?" he said, looking over at her. She remembered his age suddenly when she saw his eyes twinkle in excitement, and she raised her eyebrow. 

"Can you even drive?" she asked, teasing but she also wanted to check. He scoffed, pulling out his license. 

"Yes. I just got this thank you very much. Can't guarantee I'm very good, but hey..." he defended. She just rolled her eyes and walked over to the drivers seat before he could stop her. 

"Then I'll drive." he just stared at her for a moment before smiling and, literally, jumping in the car. 

As they drove around, Tony complimented her eyes several times, and asked her questions about herself that he seemed genuinely interested in learning the answer. He didn't make fun of her when she found herself answering more truthfully than she should, and she couldn't help the warm feeling in her stomach when he did. 

The entire time they were talking, Natasha found herself hoping. She had never felt this important to someone before, no one had ever bothered to ask little things about her before. And not to mention he seemed to genuinely care, taking each of her answers as if they were something precious to him. She felt like she couldn't breathe when he would glance over at her in the middle of explaining one of his ridiculous answers, and she didn't quite know what to make of it. 

As the night went on she found herself wanting to come clean about who she was more and more. Tony just seemed to care so much about her, and was just so genuine, that something in her wanted to spill all of her secrets. To let go of her burdens and let someone else help her carry them for a while. But she knew she couldn't. At least not yet, a part of her hoped that one day she could tell him. But now was not the time. She looked over and smiled at him as he flailed in arms in defense of his favorite movie, and she felt content for the first time in a while. 

And somehow at the end of the night, she found herself agreeing to see him again. She said goodbye to him and then waited until he had reentered the building, before doubling back to his car. She left a note for him to meet her at a coffee shop the next day, the entire time not knowing what she was doing, and what she was getting herself into. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI! Please please leave a comment and let me know what you think! Comments are the only thing that motivate me to keep writing and updating so drop a comment!
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it!


	3. feeling like he should

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the next one!
> 
> It's really getting into the story now. Just FYI there's going to be a lot of time jumps, but just keep in mind, Natasha is still a spy at this point. In my opinion or at least in my story, she's working for either the KGB or just anyone who hires her, so she is never really in one spot for very long, so she only sees Tony every now and then, which explains the time jumps. 
> 
> So this is about two years after the last chapter. 
> 
> Trigger warning: vague mentions of child abuse, and there's some character death as well. 
> 
> This chapter was inspired by "Somewhere in Ann Arbor" by Anson Seabra. As you can tell his entire album inspired this story so give it a listen. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

_"Oh, he's got it all_   
_He's got the life that they all said that he would want_   
_And oh, he's got it good_   
_So why the hell can't he start feeling like he should"_

_~Anson Seabra, "Somewhere in Ann Arbor"~_

_\---_

  
Tony stared down at the pager, debating his next move. It had been a while since he had seen Natasha last, but he couldn't help but think about her. He felt like he could use her calming presence and level head right about now. 

He thought back to the coffee date they had a couple years ago. She had been more carefree than he had ever seen her, wearing jeans and a matching jean jacket, her hair tied up with a ribbon of all things. She looked happier than she ever had at any of the galas they had been together at. She was the most beautiful person he had ever seen, but towards the end of the date, she seemed a little jumpy.   


_"Hey what's wrong?" he asked, reaching over to give her hand a squeeze. She looked over him and shook her head, her eyes flicking around the coffee shop. He figured it was a nervous habit of hers._

_"Nothing. I just. I've been trying to figure out a way to tell you something is all." she replied, and he furrowed his eyebrows at the nervousness in her voice. She was usually very hard to read, but he could tell she was nervous now._

_"You can tell me anything, Nat. Promise." he said, squeezing her hand again in comfort. She took a deep breath and nodded._

_"I have a kind of complicated job. Don't ask me to explain. But I am being moved, or transferred soon. Uh...I don't know the next time I'll be in New York." she finished, her voice quiet. Tony felt a spark of pain fill his heart at the words. He didn't want this to be goodbye, he struggled to find the words he needed to say but they didn't come. He just stared at the beautiful woman in front of him as she stared back. He could tell she was thinking hard about something, but they both stayed silent for a few moments more._

_"So...is this goodbye then?" he was finally able to choke out, his voice quiet. He watched as she studied his face for a moment before she shook her head._

_"I don't want it to be. I...there's something about you..." she trailed off, before she reached over and grabbed a napkin and a pen and she slid it to him._

_"What do you want my autograph?" his joke fell flat, but she gave him a smile anyway. She tapped the napkin with her light pink nail._

_"Write down a way for me to contact you. I can't promise it'll be often, but whenever I'm in the area, or close to MIT, I'll let you know. It might come from different numbers and areas each time, but just...know it's me okay?" she said, her eyes focused on the napkin. He squeezed her hand, causing her too look up. She had a bit of a vulnerable look in her eyes that he had never seen before, so he smiled reassuringly._

_"I promise I'll always answer. Whenever you need me." he said, and she nodded._

_"Good. And if you ever need me...for anything I'll be there." she responded quietly._

He kept staring at the pager, not even sure if he had the right number. Throughout the years she has contacted him a few times and they have met up every single one of those times. She had quickly wormed her way into his heart, and was one of his best friends, even though there was this air of them being more than just friends. He had never told anyone about her, wanting to keep what they had to himself. 

But, every single time she contacted him, it was from a different number or a different state, it was never the same contact info twice. So, how was he supposed to know it would work? He sighed, swallowing past the lump in his throat, and decided to try anyway. 

He threw the pager down with a sigh, expecting to be waiting for hours for a call that would never come, when the house phone immediately started ringing. He looked around frantically for the nearest phone, cursing when he heard it stop ringing. He rushed into the kitchen to see Jarvis standing there, the phone receiver to his ear. He stood there silently waiting, when Jarvis turned around suddenly, eyes finding Tony's. He pulled the receiver away from his ear and held it out to Tony. 

"It's for you, young sir." he said, handing him the phone. Tony rushed over and took it, giving Jarvis a squeeze on the shoulder. 

"Thanks, Jay. I'll take it in my room." he said, earning a nod from the older man, before he took off. He waited until he was safely in his room before he put the phone to his ear. He was too scared to say anything, so he stayed silent, waiting. 

"Tony?" he felt tears fill his eyes at the familiar voice he had been hoping to hear. He couldn't stop the tears from falling as a broken sob left his mouth. 

"Tony? What's wrong? Is everything okay?" she asked, voice filled with concern. He shook his head, trying to regain his composure. 

"She's gone, Tasha." he managed, his voice coming out in a broken whisper. He heard a bit of shuffling from the other line. 

"Who's gone, Tony?" Natasha asked gently, her voice coming in much more clearly. He sniffed. 

"Mom. She's gone. Dad, too. Car accident." he choked out between sobs. He heard a nearly silent gasp from the other end. 

"Oh Tony. Are you okay? What do you need?" she asked, already taking charge of the situation. He felt himself calming down with every word she spoke, just as he knew he would. He racked his brain for something to say, but he only knew one thing that might make this situation at all bearable. 

"You." he whispered, hoping she would say yes. There was a long pause on the other line, and he worried they had lost connection, or that she had just hung up, before he heard a sigh. 

"Okay. Um...okay. I'll be there as soon as I can. Okay? I'm coming, just hang in there until I come okay? Do you have anyone there at the house with you?" she asked, sounding a bit flustered but still steady somehow. 

"Yeah...uh Jay is here. Um...Aunt Pegs is on her way. Rhodey is trying to get leave, but it's technically not his family so. The funeral is tomorrow morning." he said, tears still falling down his face but his breaths were coming easier since Natasha had answered. 

"Okay. Good. Just stay around other people, until I can get there. Don't want you running off where I can't find you okay? I just have a few things to tie up for work, then I'll be there." she said, her voice firm. 

"Okay, Tasha." he agreed, his eyes getting a bit heavy from all of the crying, he felt a bit delirious as well, from the cup of scotch he had downed earlier that he stole from his dad's office. 

"Tony. I need you to promise me that you will stay away from the scotch I know you found in your dad's office. Stop drinking, and don't even think of taking anything else. Can you please do that, for me?" Natasha's voice shook him out of his stupor, and he could hear the hint of fear in her voice. He nodded his head, before realizing she couldn't see him. 

"Anything for you, Tasha." he mumbled feeling tired but meaning every word. He didn't even know where he had left the bottle, so he promised himself he wouldn't go looking for it. 

"Good. Tony-I'm...I'll be there as soon as I can. Take care of yourself." she said, before the line clicked dead. He let out one last sob, before he slid to the floor, the phone receiver tucked against his chin. Soon all he knew was darkness.

\---

He had been standing there for so long he had lost track of time, his eyes fixed on the two fresh mounds of dirt. The only thing he could think about what how his mother's life, was reduced to a single dash on a piece of stone. Her entire life was in that dash, between the two dates. He sighed and finally pulled his eyes away, looking around. All the guests had left, even Jarvis and Peggy. They needed to get back to the house, play the host he couldn't find it in himself to be. Peggy had kissed him softly on the head and told him to take all the time he needed.

"Hey." he heard a soft voice behind him and he spun around. He smiled when he saw a familiar pair of green eyes staring back at him. 

"Tasha." he breathed out, walking forward to meet her and letting himself get pulled into a hug. She had soft red hair this time, almost strawberry blonde, and it was so long it reached her lower back. He tucked his head into her shoulder and let out a shaky sigh, her fingers tracing lines along his back in comfort. 

"I'm sorry I wasn't here earlier, I really tried." she whispered, and he pulled away. She reached up and wiped the tears off his cheek, her eyes soft. 

"It's okay. You're here now." he said. She nodded and cupped his cheeks in her small hands, eyes flickering over his face. 

"How are you doing?" she asked, and he felt himself leaning into her touch. He closed his eyes and let out a sigh. 

"I don't know." he answered truthfully. He reopened his eyes to see her nodding, before she wrapped one of her hands around his, intertwining their fingers. 

"Do you have anywhere to be?" she asked quietly, gently leading him away from his parents gravestones. He let her, and shrugged his shoulders. 

"There's a wake or something at the house. But uh- Peggy said I didn't need to be there." he answered. 

"Okay. Why don't we go for a drive?" she asked gently, and he nodded grateful for the distraction. She led him to what must of been her car, and helped him into the passenger seat, before she circled around to sit behind the wheel. She looked over and brushed his bangs away from his eyes gently. 

"Why don't you get some sleep. I'll just drive around a while, okay?" she whispered, and he nodded, his eyes already falling shut. 

\---

She glanced over at the passenger seat again as she pulled into an empty parking lot in the middle of nowhere, it seemed like. There was no one around, and when she came to a stop their car was facing a single traffic light that seemed to be broken, it's light only blinking red every few seconds. She let out a sigh, resting her head on the wheel for a second, before looking back over at Tony. 

He was still asleep, unaware that they had stopped. She could tell he hadn't been sleeping, the dark bags prominent under his eyes, that were also surrounded by a rim of red from crying. Something stung in her chest at the thought of him crying when she wasn't around. She knew she only came around every couple of months, but she felt a connection with him, and hated that he had been hurting and she wasn't here to help. 

She was here now, she had to remind herself of that. She had to finish her last mission swiftly and a bit sloppily. But the guy that hired her didn't much care about how she did it as long as it was done. She knew she needed to tell Tony, and soon. But right now she was concerned for him. He was only 18, and both of his parents were dead. She didn't know what he was feeling, she didn't remember her family from before the Red Room much, but she knew Tony wasn't trained like she was.

She was stewing in her thoughts when she heard a loud sniff coming from next to her and she turned to see Tony scrunch his nose before squinting his eyes open. 

He looked at her for a moment before letting out the most content smile, as if he had forgotten why she was there. But then it seemed to hit him, and his face crumbled as his eyes filled with tears. She turned to him quickly and held out her arms for him to bury himself into as he started shaking with sobs. 

"Hey hey. Shhh, I'm here." she whispered, trying to avoid any false platitudes that wouldn't help anything. Things were clearly far from okay, and she wasn't going to try and tell him otherwise. She rubbed his back softly, wincing from the feeling stabbing her heart as he shook with near silent sobs. 

They sat there like that for almost an hour, Natasha's hands having migrated to running through his unruly brown hair while humming softly under her breath. Eventually he pulled away, ducking his head to wipe the tears off his face before he looked at her curiously, his eyes puffy and swollen. 

"What song was that?" he asked, his voice coming out funny, probably because his nose was stuffed from all of the crying. She thought back to what she was humming and realized it was an old Russian lullaby she used to know. She had forgotten she even knew it, but somehow it came back to her in that moment. 

"Just an old lullaby." she said quickly, waving her hand. He looked like he wanted to ask about it, but he decided against it, pulling his pager out of his pocket. 

"Peggy wants me to call her. I-I don't I-" his breath hitched in his throat and he looked up at her in panic. She shushed him quietly, seeing a pay phone across the street. She took the pager out of his hand gently. 

"I'll call her. I'll tell her you're okay and you'll be home later okay? You don't need to go until you're ready." she said, and he nodded looking at her gratefully, rubbing his hands down his face, taking a deep breath. 

"Okay. Thanks, Tasha." something in her heart pulled at the nickname he had given her a couple months ago, it made her smile softly. She pressed a kiss to his forehead, brushing the hair away from his eyes gently. 

"I'll be right over there," she said, pointing to the phone box and he nodded following her finger

"Just sit here and try and breath okay?" she said, and he nodded burying his face in his hands. She nodded to herself before she got out of the car and headed to the phone booth. She had no idea why she offered to call his aunt. She couldn't afford anyone else close to Howard knowing who she was, but she found herself not caring if it helped Tony in any way. She reached over and grabbed the phone, dialing the number on the pager quickly. 

"Tony?" a British voice said as soon as the line connected. She took a deep breath, trying to figure out what to say. 

"Kind of. I'm a friend of Tony's, I uh picked him up from the grave sight and drove him around for a while. He's okay, just overwhelmed. I promise to bring him home in a couple hours, unharmed." she said, hoping the woman wouldn't find this suspicious and get worried. 

"A friend of Tony's? I know all of his friends, and he doesn't have that many. Who are you?" the woman asked crisply, and Natasha glanced back at the car quickly seeing Tony still curled up small on the seat, head in his hands. 

"It's kind of a long story? We met at a gala a couple years ago. He called me yesterday to tell me what happened, and I came as soon as I could." she said, praying the woman wouldn't ask anymore questions. To her surprise she heard a light chuckle on the other line. 

"I knew there was a reason he seemed more eager to go to galas lately. Okay, friend of Tony's, I believe you have his best interest at heart. But if he doesn't return home tonight safe and in one piece, well let's just say it won't be pretty." Peggy responded, her voice turning slightly cold at the end. She felt a bit of a shiver run down her spine, finding this woman more intimidating than any of the handlers she's ever had. 

"Yes ma'am." she responded, earning another chuckle. 

"Now go back and take of my nephew for me, but first do you have a name?" she asked, her voice kinder than before. She struggled for a moment, not knowing what to say. 

"Nat." she said, scrunching her eyes closed as it came out of her mouth. The amount of slips she made in Tony's presence were just becoming to much for her. 

"Okay, Nat. Make sure he isn't home too late?" Peggy responded, her voice much warmer than it was when she was threatening her. 

"Of course." she said, before hanging up. She took a moment to compose herself before she walked back to the car. Tony turned to her quirking an eyebrow when he saw her face. 

"Did she threaten you?" he asked, voice quivering slightly still. She looked at him in surprise. 

"How did you know?" she asked, and he let out a quiet laugh. 

"She does that a lot. And you have the same look on your face that everyone does when the great Peggy Carter reams them a new one." he said and she just shook her head with a snort. 

"It's okay, nothing I can't handle." she responded and he nodded, looking away his eyes a bit unfocused as they stared at the broken traffic light. 

"How are you feeling?" she asked quietly, and he shrugged not taking his eyes off the light. 

"I don't know. It still feels like it's not real. Is it bad to say I don't miss my dad?" he asked, looking over at her quickly, before looking back at the light. She wasn't surprised, seeing as the first thing he had said to her was that his mom was gone, so she shook her head. 

"I don't think so." she responded quietly, and he nodded absently at her reply, quietly thinking for a moment. 

"It's just. He didn't even like me? You know he never once showed up to any of my school events, always said that he didn't have time to reward mediocre behavior. I graduated MIT with not one, but three degrees, when I was 17! But that was too mediocre for him to acknowledge. Nothing I did was ever good enough for him. My mom, she cared, at least a little bit. She did her best, but Howard wouldn't let her coddle me, and she had enough of her own shit going on. But at least she tried. She came to my graduation, would call me when I passed my tests. I'll miss her, but not him...does that make me a bad person?" he said all of this quietly, eyes fixed glossily straight ahead. She stared at him for a moment, seeing the pain and desperate look in his eyes and she sighed. 

"I don't remember my parents, so I don't know what any of that feels like. But I think that if Howard made you feel like you say he did, nobody can tell you otherwise. That's your pain, and you get to choose what to do with it. And if that means you don't miss him? Then I think that's your decision to make. Maybe eventually you'll feel differently, but for now I don't think it makes you a bad person, to not miss someone that hurt you." she said gently, watching his face as she did so. He seemed to take in her words for a moment, before he let a couple tears fall down his face. 

"He hurt me really bad, Tasha." he said, his voice a harsh whisper, breaking halfway through. More tears found their way down his face, and she grabbed his hand and gave it a comforting squeeze. She waited to see if he wanted to say anything else, when his other hand curled on top of hers, so that her hand was enveloped in both of his. He looked up at her with teary eyes, immense pain swimming behind the brown surface. 

"I mean he _really_ hurt me, Tasha." she felt her eyes widen in realization at his words, and she could feel anger bubble up inside of her. She was glad Howard was dead, because if he wasn't, she wasn't sure she would be able to stop herself from what she wanted to do to him. She shook her head. 

"Then he's the bad person Tony. He doesn't deserve to be missed, not by you. No one should do that to another person. Ever." she said, letting a bit of her own pain slip into her voice. She could sense he was studying her, and when she met his eyes she could see that he knew. He knew that she too knew what it felt like to be hurt by someone she trusted. He nodded with a sniff. 

"Thank you." he whispered, pulling her hand up to press a gentle kiss to her palm. "You have no idea how much I needed to hear that." he said, giving her a weak smile.

She squeezed his hand again, taking a deep breath of her own to calm herself down. She didn't know what it was about Tony, but every time they were together, she felt herself become more and more open with him. 

"People think...they think that I have it all you know? The famous family, the money, anything I could ever imagine right at my finger tips. But if that's true...why doesn't it feel like that? Why does it feel like I have nothing?" Tony asked, breaking the silence a couple minutes later.

She looked over at him curiously, watching as he traced absent patterns into the back of her hand. She turned her attention to the broken traffic light, pondering on his question for a moment. 

"Everybody thinks that fame and money is the answer to happiness. But it's not, not when the thing you want the most can't be bought." she responded slowly. She felt his eyes on the side of her face, but she kept her eyes forward, watching the red light blink of and on. Eventually she looked over to see Tony looking at her with a look of adoration in his eyes, and she felt her heart skip a beat. 

She stayed completely still as he leaned forward, slowly as to give her time to pull away. But something kept her rooted to the spot, and soon Tony was pressing a soft, chaste kiss to her lips. He pulled away, resting his forehead on hers, staring into her eyes. 

"Was that okay?" he whispered, and she felt herself nodding, before pressing another simple kiss to his lips. When she pulled away, he was smiling softly at her, eyes twinkling, though there was still a hint of grief swimming in them. She pulled away, turning to start the car. Tony settled back into his seat, reaching over to grab her free hand with a smile. She sent him one back, before she slowly began to drive them back in the direction of his house. 

They drove in complete silence, Tony's thumb rubbing the back of her hand where their hands were intertwined between them. She felt something warm settle inside her, and it felt right. Something in her knew that being with Tony was right. Which meant she needed to come clean. When they were down the street from his house she pulled over to the side of the road, before coming to a stop. 

"Hey, Tasha. Is everything okay?" Tony asked, as if sensing her distress. She shook her head, but then nodded before letting out a defeated sigh. She closed her eyes for a moment, before angling her body towards Tony. She opened her eyes to see him looking at her with concern on his face. 

"Obviously we need to talk about this...um when you're not grieving, and make sure that it's something we both want." he opened his mouth to respond to that but she silenced him with a stern look, before she continued. "But I need to tell you something, that could change your mind...maybe?" she trailed off feeling unsure about herself for the first time in the longest time. Tony squeezed their adjoined hands, causing her to look up. He had a soft smile on his face. 

"It's okay, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to." he whispered gently, and she shook her head. 

"No I need to." she said firmly, and he just nodded and waited patiently for her to find her words. 

"I um...you know how I said my job was complicated?" she asked, hoping this was the best way to say it. He nodded encouragingly, so she kept going. "Well...I'm a spy, Tony. And sometimes not for the good guys." she said, keeping her eyes down. But when Tony didn't answer right away she looked up to see an amused smile on his face. She furrowed her eyebrows.

"I figured there was something different about you. And you forget that my aunt is literally a world famous spy, I picked up on a few similarities. And maybe you don't work for the good guys every time, but sometimes good and bad isn't so cut and dry." Tony responded, his eyes twinkling, as if this information changed nothing about his feelings. She gaped at him, his reaction taking her completely by surprise. 

"Tasha. It's okay. This changes nothing. At least not for me. I agree we should talk about it more, when I'm less emotional, but as far as your job goes. I'm okay with it." he said when she didn't respond. She felt speechless for a moment, before she pressed a kiss to his cheek. 

"Really?" she asked, one more time before she turned back to the wheel. 

"Really. You just tell me what I can and can't say about you, and I'll do it." he said, his voice warm and a smile on his face. She turned and gave him a grateful smile. 

"Thank you." she said, for the first time in her life, her burden felt a little bit lighter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think! Comments literally make my day and have been keeping me writing and getting this out so fast, so please keep the comments coming!
> 
> Hope you are liking this story so far! Thank you for reading!


	4. can you beat back the night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by Anson Seabra's "Can you hear me?" 
> 
> Here's the next chapter! I hope you like it!
> 
> Please leave a comment and let me know how you're liking the story so far!

_"Can you beat back the night?_  
_Can you make things alright?_  
_Can you hold me?_  
_Can you show me the light?_

_All alone in the basement_  
_Where it's always the same_  
_And nothing can change_  
_And no one can see me cry_

_I don't know how to face it_  
_I don't know how to name it_  
_Know who to blame_  
_But nothing seems alright"_

_~Anson Seabra, "Can you hear me?"~_

\---

Tony heard a knock on his balcony door. He scrunched his nose and glanced at the clock. It was three in the morning, and his room was on the second floor. He moved across the room slowly, grabbing a wrench off his work desk and headed over to the door. He could see a figure through the curtains. He opened the door quickly, his wrench poised above his head, when he finally registered who was standing there. 

"Tasha?" he asked, his arm falling to his side dropping the wrench. Her green eyes were red and puffy, tears falling down her face, her now brunette hair a tangled mess. He hurried to pull her inside, shutting his balcony door quickly. He lead her over to his bed and helped her sit down, wrapping his blanket around her shoulders. 

"Tasha? What's wrong?" he asked softly, kneeling down in front of her, one of his hands rubbing what he hoped was comforting circles on her knee. Her eyes flickered to him quickly before settling back to staring at something only she could see, shaking her head. He looked around as if he could find the answer of what to do from his surroundings. 

"Okay, um. Why don't we just get some sleep? And then maybe you can tell me in the morning?" he asked hesitantly, unsure if he was doing the right thing. When she didn't answer, he picked her up gently and set her down to lay down on his side of the bed. She didn't fight him, so he figured she didn't have any arguments. But he hated that he had to force her to do anything, and that she wasn't talking. It really worried him. 

Once he had her settled, making sure she had enough blankets, he headed over to the small futon on the other side of the room. He was too lazy to extend it, so he just grabbed the ratty afghan off the top of it and settled down for the night. He kept his eyes focused on his bed for as long as he could, before his they slipped shut. 

\---

The sound of paper crinkling woke him up the next morning. He squinted his eyes open, looking around for the cause of the sound. He sat up quickly when he saw Natasha sitting at his desk, shuffling through his schematics. He shook his head, thinking he was dreaming, before the events of last night came back to him. 

"You didn't have to sleep on the futon you know." her soft voice shook him out of his thoughts, and he scoffed looking over at her. She was still focused on the contents of his desk.

"Of course I did. You weren't responding to anything, so I didn't want to do anything you didn't want. I'm not that kind of guy." he said, a bit of edge in his voice. She let out a sigh and looked over to him, her eyes apologetic. 

"I know. I'm sorry. Thank you for taking care of me." she responded, her voice quiet. He let out a sigh of his own, before he stood up and walked over to where she was sitting. He knelt down in front of her, trying to catch her gaze. 

"Are you ready to talk about what happened?" he asked softly, and her eyes finally met his. There was uncertainty in her eyes, and a million other emotions he couldn't identify. She studied him for a few moments before shaking her head. 

"Not yet." he nodded at her answer, before standing up and offering her his hand. 

"Well, Jarvis went to London with Peggy for the weekend and Obie's off in another country for business, so it's just me here. I'll make us some breakfast." he said, and she nodded with a smile, taking his hand. 

He moved around the kitchen in silence, aware that Natasha was watching him, as he went about preparing breakfast. 

"Those designs on your desk are impressive." Natasha said, breaking the silence a few minutes later. He took a deep breath and shook his head. 

"They're weapons, they aren't impressive." he said, his voice cold. He hated making weapons, but now that it was his company, he had to. It didn't mean he was pleased with it.

"You don't like weapons?" she asked and he shook his head, flipping the omelet over in the pan. 

"No. But it's what my company does, so I can't let them down. Besides, Howard made me work on weapons when I was like 8, so..." he trailed off, not really wanting to get into his father. The kitchen fell into silence again, and Tony kept his focus on not burning the omelets rather than the feeling of Natasha's gaze on the back of his head. No doubt she was trying to read him, and he didn't want to think about it. 

Once he was finished he spun around and handed her the plate. She smiled gratefully, adverting her eyes to the omelet and giving them all of her attention. It was odd seeing her so timid, where she usually was bold. He took his turn trying to read her as he ate his omelet, the kitchen silent. 

"They wanted me to take out a target." Natasha finally said, after they had both had long since finished their food. He looked up to see her staring straight ahead, her eyes haunted. He waited patiently. 

"I didn't think anything of it. Most of my missions are to take people out. Most of the time they are bad people, black market dealers, things like that. But this time..." her voice dropped down into a whisper as she trailed off. He reached over and grabbed her hand, leading her to the couch in the living room. She glanced at him quickly as they sat down, before she shook her head, breathing out shakily. 

"It was a child." she said, her eyes scrunching shut at the memory. He winced at her words, not quite knowing how to react. "They wanted me to take out their enemies daughter. I-I couldn't go through with it...so I ran." she finished, her voice breaking in a few places. Tony didn't know what he was supposed to say or how he was supposed to comfort her through something like that. She had never once talked about her jobs before, not wanting to burden him with the knowledge of the things she had done. 

"Then he found me." she said, and he flicked his head up to look at her in confusion. 

"Who found you?" he asked worriedly. Natasha took a deep breath, steeling herself. 

"A SHIELD agent. He said he was sent to kill me...because of the things I've done. Guess I finally made SHIELD's radar...and not in a good way." she said, looking down at her hands. Tony still felt confused. He knew of SHIELD, how could he not, his aunt and father being a part of it. But he wasn't supposed to know about it, he chose to stay silent about it for a moment, and said something else instead. 

"But he didn't kill you?" he asked curiously, and she shook her head. 

"No. He said he'd been following me, and he wanted to see what I would do if they asked me to kill a child. He told me he knew I wasn't what they thought I was, that I could be something more?" she explained, sounding just as confused as Tony was. 

"He said he would give me two days to make a decision...to come with him to SHIELD or..." she trailed off, looking over at him. He nodded in understanding. 

"Or he would complete his mission. To kill you." he finished for her and she nodded, running her hands through her hair. Tony thought this through for a moment. 

"Then go with him." he blurted, and she whipped her head to look at him. She shook her head. 

"It's not that simple, Tony." she said solemnly, but he didn't understand how it wasn't that simple. He stood up, feeling restless, and began pacing in front of the couch. Natasha watched him warily. 

"It is that simple Tash. I know SHIELD okay? I'm "not supposed to know about it" but I do. Peggy started it, how bad can it be?" he asked, still pacing. 

"Depends on why they want me. That agent was sent to kill me. How do you know this isn't just a ploy to get me in custody where they can throw me in a prison cell?" Natasha asked quietly. That brought Tony up short. Would they do that? He didn't know the extent of what Natasha has done, but it was enough to get on SHIELD's radar as an enemy. That couldn't be a good thing. He continued pacing, thinking it through. 

"That agent...he said he knew you were more than they thought you were. That he knew you could be something more right? More than what?" Tony wondered out loud, sitting back down on the couch facing Natasha. She shrugged. 

"They think I'm a killer." she eventually said, her voice cold. He looked at her, wheels turning in his head. 

"So if that's the case, he thinks you can be more than that. Not-not that you are that or anything..." he tried to redeem himself quickly but Natasha just sent him an amused look. "Do you want to be more than that?" he asked quietly. She looked up at him, a thoughtful look on her face. 

"I don't know if I can be." she whispered eventually, and Tony shook his head at her words, grabbing her hands in his. 

"Yes you can. I know you can. Look at what you just did. They told you to do something horrific, and you didn't do it. You knew it was wrong. You're a good person." Tony argued, and Natasha looked at him sadly, pulling her hands away. 

"You don't know the things I've done, Tony. If you did, you'd know I'm not a good person. A couple of years ago I would have done it. I-" she choked on a sob, her eyes filling with tears. She stood up, walking a couple feet away with her head hung low. He watched as her shoulders shook with silent sobs, and he stood up quickly. He walked over and gently wrapped his arms around her waist from behind, pressing a gentle kiss to her shoulder, before resting his head there. 

"You are a good person. The fact that you're crying right now, feeling remorse for the things those people made you do? That tells me you want to be better, you want to be more than that." he whispered softly, causing Natasha to sob harder. She turned around in his arms and buried her face in his chest, shoulders shaking. He wrapped his arms around her tightly, one hand on her head the other rubbing her back. 

He didn't know how long they stood like that, her sobbing and Tony trying to keep his own emotions at bay. But soon they were broke apart by the sound of a door opening. Tony furrowed his eyebrows at the noise, since no one should be home. Natasha seemed to realize this as she quickly pulled a knife out of nowhere and pushed Tony behind her. 

"I thought you said no one was home?" she asked, her voice hard. Tony shook his head, staying behind her even though every muscle in his body was screaming at him to protect her. 

"There shouldn't be." he whispered back, watching as she scanned the room with her eyes, before she started moving them backwards. 

"Get behind the couch. Now." she whispered, her voice devoid of all emotion. He nodded quickly, trusting her instincts as he dropped down behind the couch. Suddenly they heard a pair of heavy footsteps coming down the hallway behind the kitchen. Tony peeked over the top of the couch to see a man walk in, dressed in all black, a bow slung over his shoulder resting next to a quiver full of deadly looking arrows.

\---

"Come on lady, I don't even have my weapon drawn. Put the knife down and let's handle this like women." she recognized the agent that walked in. He had a smirk on his face and didn't have his weapon out, but she still didn't drop her defensive stance. She had to protect Tony. 

"How did you find me?" Natasha asked, her accent slipping in and out. The agent laughed, which made her grip her knife a little tighter, wanting nothing more than to release it. But if she did, there was a chance Tony would get caught in the crossfire, and that was something she couldn't risk. 

"I told you the last time we hung out, that I've been following you. I'm sure you can put two and two together and figure out that I followed you here. I also think you should practice some hospitality and let your boyfriend come out from behind the couch." She tensed up further at the mention of Tony. She could feel his gaze on her from where he was still behind the couch. She thought for a split second, then gave a small nod to let him know it was okay to come out. The way she saw it, if a fight were to break out she would just have to use herself as a human shield. She was grateful that when Tony stepped out, he kept himself behind her. 

"Hey man. This lady giving you trouble?" The agent asked, directing his words to Tony. Natasha didn't need to look at Tony to know that he was extremely confused. She just hoped he would let her handle it. 

"No? I would say the man currently trespassing in my home is a bit more of a problem for me." Tony replied, and Natasha couldn't help but let out an annoyed sigh. Of course she should have known that hoping for Tony to stay quiet would be too much to ask for. The agent laughed, breaking her out of her thoughts, she gripped the knife tighter. 

"You got your priorities straight I'll give you that. But, you don't need to worry, I'm one of the good guys. My name's Clint." the agent, Clint, said reaching out a hand as either of them were going to move forward and shake it. He must have realized how dumb he looked though because he pulled it back a second later. 

"Okay, Clint. Do you mind telling me what you're doing in my house?" Tony asked then, and Natasha wanted to curse him for engaging. But then she realized that she would be in a better position to attack if Clint's attention was focused on Tony, so she stayed silent, weapon still poised to attack the second the agent did something she didn't like. 

"Well, Tony." she felt her own eyes widen at those words, which earned a smirk from Clint. "I'm-" he started before Natasha cut him off, finally dropping her fighting stance. She kept a grip on her knife though, knowing she was still fast enough to react. But now that she knew the agent was aware of Tony, she had to change her tactics. 

"A SHIELD agent." she finished. Tony looked at her imploringly and she gave a nod to confirm his suspicions. Clint started clapping, a goofy grin on his face. She sent the man a glare as Tony looked back and forth between them. She could tell he was worried, and there was a hint of panic in his eyes as he assessed the situation. 

"This guy? This is the guy they sent to take you out? He doesn't seem very threatening." Tony asked, voice confused. Natasha sent him a bit of a glare at those words, knowing that if he said one thing Clint didn't like, he would become a target. The agent, however, surprised her again with his reaction. He made a dramatic wounded noise and placed his hand on his chest. 

"That hurts Tony. I'm very threatening...usually. I mean right now I'm not trying to be threatening." Clint said, smiling at the two of them. 

"How did you know about Tony?" Natasha asked then, stepping more in front of him her hand still gripping the knife tightly though it was now hanging at her side. 

"Well that's a loaded question, he's kind of famous." Clint said, but Natasha sent him a dry look and he sighed, "Okay, well I knew about his connection to you because I've been following you, tapping your calls all that jazz." he finished, and Natasha let out a curse in Russian. She should have known this would happen. 

"He's not a part of this, so leave him out of it." Natasha said, and Clint held up his hands in mock surrender. 

"I don't plan on doing anything to him. Have you met his aunt? She's scary. I also don't plan on telling anyone about your connection to him either. That's not my business." Clint said, his voice taking on a bit more of a serious tone. Natasha didn't know if she should be comforted, due to that fact Clint apparently knew a lot about Tony, including his family. She could hear Tony give a snort at that statement from behind her. 

"So...what is your business?" Tony asked, speaking up again. Natasha sent him yet another glare, to which he stuck his tongue out childishly. She rolled her eyes, turning her attention back to the agent, who just looked amused as he watched them. There was another glint of something else in his eyes, something fond, and she didn't know quite what to make of that. 

"Natasha here knows what I'm here for." Natasha froze, remembering his deal. She opened her mouth to respond but Tony held up his hand from behind her in a stopping motion. 

"Yeah yeah, I know all about the deal. Either she comes with you, or you kill her. And I have to say I'm not very fond of either of those options." Tony said. Clint nodded thoughtfully, and Natasha watched him closely. 

"Well when you put it like that it does sound kinda morbid doesn't it? Between you and me I don't want to kill her at all, I'd rather her just come with me...less paperwork." Clint answered. Tony just let out an impatient breath. Natasha understood him completely, she wished the agent would just take her, and leave Tony out of it. But that didn't seem to be the way this meeting was going, and she wasn't liking it one bit. 

"Okay, this is really getting on my nerves. Can we just cut to the chase? If she goes with you, are you guys going to just throw her in a cell to rot? Cause while I'm all for less paperwork, that plan just isn't going to do it for me." Tony replied, and Natasha rolled her eyes and sighed. She appreciated how protective Tony was being, but she knew he wasn't helping at all, and she didn't want him getting hurt if any of this went south. 

"Tony, please. You're not helping anything, you don't need to get involved." Natasha said, her jaw clenched. Tony looked at her for a second, before throwing his hands up in defeat, accepting that she knew what she was doing. She turned to Clint prepared to surrender, if only to keep Tony safe, but his confused look stopped her.

"Wait. No he is helping. Is that what you thought I meant by come with me?" Clint asked, holding his hand up in a stop gesture. Natasha narrowed her eyes. Was he serious?

"It crossed my mind, yes." she replied flatly, and Tony snorted at her voice. Clint just sighed before walking over and dropping himself on the couch dramatically. Natasha backed up slowly, forcing Tony to follow suit. 

"Well, this is awkward. That's not what I meant at all. I wanna recruit you for SHIELD." Clint said, gesturing for them both to sit down. Natasha stayed standing, but she felt Tony collapse on the chair behind them. She didn't know whether to follow suit, shocked at the agent's words. 

"Recruit me?" Natasha asked, moving to position herself so she was still between Tony and Clint. Clint nodded, removing his bow and quiver and setting them on the coffee table, her eyes followed his movements carefully. 

"I saw you refuse that mission? The one with the mob boss' daughter? That's what confirmed my theory. I mean don't get me wrong, SHIELD intel says your dangerous. The whole Red Room, Black Widow thing," she tensed at those words, and she could feel Tony's gaze on her but she avoided looking at him, still focused on Clint. 

"But I never believed a word of it. So when I got the orders to kill you on sight, I told my handler no, which he wasn't very happy about but he's used to it by now. And then I told him I'd follow you and make my own decision. I followed you, and my decision is that you may have done some bad things, and you may be dangerous. But I don't think you're the enemy. I think you want to do good, and SHIELD can help you with that." Clint said. His voice was completely serious and she couldn't detect any lies in his body language. 

She stared him down, trying to test his words. Clint just stared back at her, eyes open, not signs of deceit on his face. He even had the nerve of sending her a lazy smile. Tony broke the silence. 

"Tasha, for what it's worth I think he's telling the truth." he spoke up, and Natasha finally broke their gaze and looked at him. He was sitting there, a reassuring smile on his face, and he seemed more relaxed than before. She could tell Clint's words had convinced him, but she still had to be sure. She turned back to Clint. 

"Okay. And let's say I go with you, and SHIELD has a different plan?" she asks, finally sitting down on the edge of the coffee table, her body still acting as a human shield for Tony. She watched as Clint gave them a grimace. 

"I mean I wouldn't put it past them. But in that case, I will personally help you get out." Clint said honestly. The way he said it confirmed to her that he wasn't one to blindly follow authority, which she admired. She nodded. 

"And you'll leave Tony out of it? No one will know that you found a connection between us?" Natasha asked then, and Tony looked over at her in surprise. She didn't look at him though, continuing to look at Clint, a threatening glint in her eye. 

"Swear on my life, I won't tell anyone." Clint responded firmly, without any hesitation. 

"I'll hold you to that, literally." Natasha replied, dropping her knife on the table. Clint nodded as if he knew that was coming. 

"I would expect nothing less. So is it decided? You'll come with me?" Clint asked, and Natasha nodded. Clint seemed happy with that answer, and stood up scooping up his weapons. 

"Okay. I'll let you little lovebirds have time to say goodbye. I would probably keep your contact with him to a minimum, at least at until we can convince them your on our side. I'll be back tonight to get you." Clint said, before leaving the way he came. Once he was gone Natasha let her shoulders slump and she sighed in relief.

"You okay?" Tony asked quietly, and she nodded, but didn't say anything else. They sat in silence for a moment, before Tony grabbed her hand. 

"Are you sure you want to go with him?" he asked then and she looked over at him, his eyes reflected the same trepidation she was feeling. And she couldn't blame him. She had no idea how she was feeling about this, all she knew was that this kept Tony safe. At least safer than if she continued the way she had been. And for the moment, that was all that mattered. 

"I don't know. But it's the best option I have. I want to prove to myself that I can be more than what they made me. And it sounds like this is my chance. Plus if it means he stays quiet about you, then I know you're safe." she said, trying to sound convincing. He shook his head and reached out to pull her closer to him. 

"My safety doesn't matter." he argued, and she sent him a glare. 

"It does to me." she whispered softly. Tony stayed silent at that, pulling her onto his lap. She let herself settle under his chin. He pressed a kiss to her forehead. 

"I think you've always been more than what they made you. I may not know the full story, or anything that you've done. And that's okay. But I know that from the first time I saw you, I knew you were an amazing person. And I'm never wrong." he joked, earning a soft laugh from her. She had no idea where his blind faith in her came from. But a part of her warmed at his words, wanting nothing more than to believe he was right. To believe that she could be something more than the killer they trained her to be. And part of her wanted to prove to Tony that he was right, and prove to herself that she was worthy of his love. 

"I don't want to say goodbye." she whispered then, allowing herself to be vulnerable. She knew that SHIELD would be monitoring her closely, and she knew it wouldn't be safe to contact him, at least until she proved she wasn't a threat to them. 

"Me neither. But if this is what is best for you, then I'm willing to wait for you. You go, find yourself, figure out who you are, and when you're done I'll be here." he whispered back. She leaned back to look him in the eyes, he looked back with nothing but love in his eyes. She knew he meant every word he said. 

"Promise?" she asked quietly, before she could stop herself. He nodded, pressing a soft kiss to her lips. 

"Promise. There's nothing I'd rather do." he replied. She smiled, hoping that she had made the right decision, and that someday they could be together without any threats looming over them. She let out a sigh and settled back in his arms, content to let him hold her pieces together for as long as he could. 

\---

Later that night, Clint was waiting outside in front of a dark car. Tony grabbed Natasha's hand and led her outside. 

Right before they got to the car, Tony pulled her to a stop and brought her in for a soft kiss. 

"Just remember that I believe in you okay?" he whispered, and she nodded, letting out a shaky breath. They stayed like that for a moment, before she pulled away and slipped into the car. She sat quietly in the passenger seat, ears trained on the conversation outside. She knew they weren't aware that she could hear them. 

"You're going to watch her back, right?" Tony's voice broke the silence first. 

"Yeah, man. She'll be just fine." Clint replied in a soft voice. She heard a bit of movement before he spoke again. 

"This is my number, if you ever need me to pass on a message just let me know. And I'll keep you as updated as I can without raising suspicion. But I promise on my life, she's in good hands." Clint finished, and she could hear Tony let out a sigh of relief. She smiled at the words, she figured she could trust Clint, especially when he was going out of his way to comfort Tony. She just hoped he would keep his promise to not tell anyone about him. 

There were a couple more words exchanged before Clint was slipping into the driver's seat. 

"He seems like a good guy." Clint said, starting the car and pulling away from the curb quickly. She sent him a dry look. 

"I don't know you well enough to start gossiping about my love life." she responded, earning a snort from Clint. He nodded understandably. 

"Well we got a couple hours, and I really like gossip, so what do you need to know before we can do that?" Clint asked, sending her a sideways glance, a smile on his face. She snorted.

"Oh, you know, only your deepest darkest secrets." she responded, falling into the banter. Clint raised an eyebrow.

"Like what?" he asked. She thought for a moment, before letting a smirk cross her face as she looked over at him. 

"Favorite color?" she asked, earning a startled chuckle from him. 

"Getting straight to the hard stuff, eh Agent Romanoff?" he joked, and the same instinct that told her Tony was right for her all those years ago was screaming at her to trust Clint. So she smiled. 

"Natasha, you can call me Natasha." she said, and Clint looked over at her a big goofy grin covering his face. 

"Well, Natasha. I think we're going to get along great." Clint joked, before pressing hard on the gas, propelling them forward. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you think?? Please leave a comment and let me know what you thought!
> 
> Kudos and comments are my life so keep them coming!
> 
> Also now that school is starting up again soon, it might be longer between chapters. But I'm going to try and get one out every week or so!
> 
> Please leave a comment!


	5. your tears make me choke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um fair warning. This is going to be a sad one....I'm sorry in advance. It's also a bit short and sudden...but don't worry all of it will come together in due time. Hopefully. 
> 
> I do hope you enjoy it though? Maybe? 
> 
> Let me know what you think in the comments please!!
> 
> This chapter was inspired by "Hindenburg Lover" by Anson Seabra. So if that's any indication this one is going to be a doozey.
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: Thoughts of Suicide and mentions of suicide...please be careful <3

_"You were my Hindenburg lover, we were flying away_   
_Then we took a wrong turn and it was all up in flames_   
_And now I'm staring at the wreckage tryin' make it okay_   
_Oh, yeah_

_And I guess I got burned from the scars on my heart_   
_And I'd be lyin' if I said I didn't know from the start_   
_That there was something in between us that would tear us apart_   
_Oh, yeah_

_I can still see your face_   
_Looking back through the flames_   
_And I search it_   
_Was it worth it?_

_No I don't mind the smoke_   
_But your tears make me choke_   
_Are you okay? Should I go away?_

_Yeah, we were invincible_   
_That's what they said_   
_So indivisible_   
_Wherever we went"_

_~Anson Seabra, "Hindenburg Lover" ~_

_\---_

Natasha felt the nerves start up in her stomach as they got closer and closer to the mansion. Clint could tell, and he reached over and squeezed her hand. 

"It's going to be just fine." he whispered, and she wanted nothing more than to believe him, but she knew it wouldn't. She shook her head, slightly frantic. 

"No it won't. You don't know him like I do." she whispered, staring blankly out the window. Clint just shook his head, and squeezed her arm again. 

"You haven't seen him in two years." Clint pointed out, and she sighed. She missed Tony like a piece of her soul was missing. But the last two years had been hell. She had worked with Clint to prove her allegiance to SHIELD, and then she had to slowly work on coming to terms with the things she had done as the Black Widow. That and unlearning her killer instincts was enough to take an emotional toll on her. Which was part of the reason she hadn't seen Tony in 2 years, because she wanted to get herself sorted before she saw him again, so she could prove his faith in her right. She also didn't want to expose their relationship, trying to keep him safe. 

They had passed messages between each other, either using Clint or Peggy, once she figured everything out. There had been a few phone calls that were quick and discreet. But it had been 2 years since she saw him in person, and she hated to think that this could be the last time she would see him. 

"Tasha, do you really think it's going to go that badly?" Clint spoke up, shaking her out of her thoughts and she realized she had never answered him. She nodded. 

"He's told me so many times Clint, that people have pretended to get close to him all of his life, in order to get closer to his parents or his money. And it turns out I'm the same? He's going to be devastated." she said, her voice thick with emotion. It had taken her a long time to realize that showing emotion, to people she trusted, was okay, and she felt completely comfortable with Clint. He let out a long sigh, grabbing her hand again and squeezing softly. 

"I don't know Tash. You guys are pretty solid. He never stopped harassing me about your well-being for the last two years, and you're telling me he's just going to throw that away? And are you seriously going to tell me that you took that mission seriously at all after meeting him?" Clint argued. Natasha took a shaky breath in, trying to calm her nerves. 

"I don't know. It stopped being a mission for me when I met him. I just don't know if he will see it that way." she said, running her hands through her hair as they turned down a familiar street. Her hair was the same shade of red it was when they had first met. She remembered him telling her that he liked it, and how well it paired with her eyes, which was the main reason she chose it. Clint didn't say anything else as they pulled down the long drive way. 

Tony didn't know she was coming. It was meant to be a surprise, regardless of what she had to tell him. Fury wanted her for an undercover op in two weeks, and allowed her to go off the grid for a couple days before she had to get ready for it. Her first move was to get Clint to take her here, and make sure they weren't followed. Clint pulled to a stop, and turned to her. 

"You always have a place with Laura and I. Just call okay?" Clint said, pulling her in for a hug. She reveled in the comfort for a moment, before letting go and grabbing her bag. She gave Clint a weak smile as she stepped out of the car, watching as he pulled away. She stared up at the mansion for a moment, before heading to the door. 

She had spoken to Jarvis, who apparently wasn't doing so well these days, and he knew she was coming so he agreed to leave a key under the mat for her. She bent down and grabbed it, shaking her hands out a bit, before unlocking the door and stepping inside as quietly as she could. 

She could hear voices in the kitchen, but they stopped abruptly when she shut the door deliberately loud. 

"Pegs? Is that you?" the voice that drifted in from the hallway almost brought tears to her eyes with how much she had missed it. She stayed where she was though, and waited as the footsteps came closer. When Tony rounded the corner he stopped short, eyes wide as he took her in. Once he recovered from his shock, his face broke out into a bright smile. 

"Tasha." he breathed out, rushing forward and lifting her into his arms with a dramatic spin. She held on tight, feeling her world right itself with his presence. She had no idea how much she had missed him until this moment. He finally put her down, and pulled away only to pull her back in for a kiss a second later. He rested his forehead on hers and just stared at her smiling, one of his hands running through her hair. She could feel herself smiling stupidly back at him, but she couldn't help it. 

"I missed you." she whispered, finally breaking the silence. Tony's eyes twinkled and he laughed, pressing a kiss to her forehead before grabbing her hand and pulling her towards the kitchen. 

"I missed you too." he whispered, before they crossed the threshold into the kitchen. He turned to the older man sitting at the counter with a huge grin. 

"Jay! Look who decided to show up!" Tony said, voice loud and excited. Jarvis smiled at him fondly, before sending a nod towards her. 

"Oh I know, I was the one who gave her the key." the old man replied with a wink, before he sent her a smile too. "Nice to see you again Lady Natasha." he said, even though she had told him many times that she was the furthest thing from a lady. She was sure that was part of the reason he still said it. She smiled back at him. 

"Nice to see you too, Mr. Jarvis." she replied as Tony watched them interact with a soft smile on his face. He still hadn't let go of her hand. They stayed in the kitchen for a little bit longer, visiting with Jarvis, before Tony took her bags and lead her upstairs to his room. When they got there, he sat on the bed motioning for her to sit by him, and she moved to tuck herself against his side. 

"What brings you to my neck of the woods?" Tony finally asked, voice soft despite the joke. 

"Fury wants me to go on a long undercover operation, and I didn't know how long I would be gone. I got him to give me time off the grid before I left. Came straight here." she responded, and he pressed a kiss on her head and she could feel him smiling. 

"Well good for Eye-patch. I'm so glad you're here. But I can tell there's something bothering you, what's up?" he asked, pushing her arms softly so that she was facing him instead. She looked down at her hands for a moment before shaking her head. 

"I just-I've been working through all the things I've done...before. And I have something to tell you, that I know you're going to be upset about." she finally said, her voice small. She risked a glance up at Tony, who's eyes were furrowed in thought. His mouth was pressed in a thin line, his eyes focused down at their entwined hands. She waited patiently for him to say something, which ended up taking a couple minutes. 

"I want to know. But not right now. Let's just enjoy tonight okay?" he said, pulling her back onto his chest, rubbing a soothing hand over her shoulder. She nodded slowly, not really wanting to wait, but knowing she couldn't deny Tony anything. 

"I like your hair." he whispered after a couple more minutes of silence. She smiled. 

"I know. I picked it cause I knew you liked it." she said softly, earning a tired chuckle from Tony. He adjusted them gently, so that they were both laying down facing each other. She could tell he was tired, and she could see the bags under his eyes. He watched her though, eyes struggling to stay open. She reached over and began to brush her fingers through his hair, and he leaned into the touch, his eyes finally falling closed. After a few more minutes his breathing evened out and he was asleep. 

She stayed awake though, staring at his peaceful features, not wanting to tell him what she knew would hurt him. She let a few tears slip from her eyes, her heart breaking thinking about his reaction, before she curled into his side to try and sleep. 

  
\---

  
She could feel a hand running through her hair as she came back to consciousness. She opened her eyes to find Tony absentmindedly playing with her hair as he stared blankly at the wall over her head, deep in thought. He seemed to sense that she was awake though, and soon snapped his gaze to look at her, sending her a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. She wanted to ask what was wrong, but then she remembered the news that was looming over them. 

"When do you have to go back to SHIELD?" he asked instead, avoiding the subject and her gaze. She sat up, watching as he did the same. 

"Day after tomorrow. I have to do a bunch of debriefings and intel meetings I guess." she replied, and Tony just nodded absently. 

"And you're going to be gone for how long?" he asked, still not looking at her. She sighed, not liking the direction this was going. 

"I don't know. I have to get in pretty deep, he said it could take anywhere from 6 months to a year." she said quietly, and Tony's eyes flew to her in shock. 

"Is it dangerous?" he asked, his attention now fully on her, panic in his eyes. She shook her head. 

"Just gathering information. It shouldn't be. Clint is coming too, he'll watch my back." This seemed to reassure Tony, as he let out a breath with a nod. 

"Good. I trust Clint." he said, eyes flickering back to the wall as if it held all the answers. She took a deep breath, before he interrupted. 

"How bad is is? This thing you have to tell me?" he whispered, voice small with worry. She winced hearing it, before she turned to fully face him. 

"It's not great. But I guess it depends on your reaction." she answered, and he took a deep breath, steeling himself. 

"Okay. Just get it over with." he said, and she could hear his voice shaking with anxiety. She wanted to reach out and grab his hands, but she didn't feel like it was her place, not with what she was about to say. 

"Okay. I...well when we first met, at the gala. I never told you why I was there. Um, the people I was working for at the time, caught wind of a secret project your dad was working on," she paused for a moment as Tony stiffened at the mention of his father, but she forced herself to keep going. "And uh, they never told me what it was, but they sent me in undercover to a his events in order to try and get information on it from the people your dad was working with." she stopped when Tony held up his hand, and it was shaking slightly. 

"You came to me for information didn't you?" he asked, his voice unusually void of emotion. She looked at his eyes warily, taking in the glossy look in them. 

"I did at first, when I first walked over to you that night-" she stopped short when Tony let out a curse and a tear fell down his face. She felt a lump form in her throat as tears filled her own eyes. She had to swallow a few times to get her voice to cooperate. 

"But you have to understand Tony, after I met you...After five minutes of getting to know you, it wasn't about the mission for me anymore. Not with you." she said, practically begging for him to understand, her voice breaking on every syllable as tears streamed down her face. Tony just sat there, staring at something behind her, tears in his eyes and his jaw clenched. She sat there silently crying, not able to get control over her voice to say anything else. 

Finally Tony looked over at her, and her heart clenched at the tears and hurt in his eyes. He seemed to take in her own tears, looking as if he wanted to comfort her, before he shook his head running his hands through his hair. 

"I told you. I opened up to you, and told you about all the people that took advantage of me for my dad or my money." he said, his voice dangerously quiet. And she just nodded, knowing that he was right, and he just looked at her eyes flashing with hurt. 

"I told you all of that. And you were doing the same thing? Was any of it real? Was any of this real?" he asked, voice progressively getting louder until he was shouting. He got up quickly and started pacing the floor. She swallowed thickly. 

"Of course it was real. I promise, Tony. After I talked to you that first night, everything changed. I didn't care about that mission anymore. I-" she choked on another sob, watching as Tony shook his head frantically, still pacing. 

"No. No. No, you see because I trusted you. Tasha-" his voice broke on her name and it felt like a knife to her chest, "I trusted you, and if you really cared about me, you would have been honest with me from the start! Instead you've been keeping this a secret? Since the beginning? You didn't think to tell me at all? It's been 6 years Natasha!" he shouted again, his own voice catching on his sobs. She nodded her head at every word that he spoke, knowing he was right, despite how painful it was to hear. 

"I know Tony. I should have told you, and I've been beating myself up for years. I should have told you, and there's no excuse for me not telling you. Other than that I was scared of how you'd react." she spoke softly, her voice no louder than a whisper from all the crying. He stopped short and sent her a glare, which hurt.

"So why tell me now?" he asked then, staring at her, his eyes red and blotchy. She shrugged her shoulders and gave a bitter laugh. 

"Because you deserve better than me. You deserve someone better than someone who has lied to you for the past 6 years. You deserve someone better than me." she said, her voice falling into a whisper. Tony stopped pacing and looked at her for a minute. There was a storm brewing in his eyes, and she hated that she was the one that put it there. She felt like she was choking from all the pain she caused him, and it hurt more than she would ever admit. 

She stood up, sniffing hard, and grabbing her bags from the door. Tony watched her, not saying anything. 

"I'm going to go. I-I'm so sorry Tony. Just know that I love you okay? I've always loved you, from the moment I talked to you that night. I understand if you need time, I'll call-" Tony shook his head, causing more tears to leave his eyes. 

"Don't. Don't call. I need time. I trusted you more than anybody. I told you things...things I've never told anyone else. And it hurts, that you...I don't...I'll call you. When I'm ready." he struggled with his words, but eventually got them out, falling silent at the end. Every single word he spoke though, felt like a dagger through her heart, but she knew she deserved it. 

She nodded, wiping her face free from tears and grabbing her bags. She started walking through the door when she heard her name, and she turned around to see Tony looking at her, his eyes guarded. 

"I loved you too, you know." he said, and then turned away. She felt another lump in her throat, but she turned and left quickly. Once she was outside she pulled out her phone, dialing the number she knew by heart. 

"Tash?" Clint's voice rang out, and she let a sob slip from her mouth. She heard a sad sigh come from the other end. 

"I'll be there in five." he said, and the line clicked dead. She kept walking wanting to put as much distance as she could between her and Tony. She had been walking for a while, when Clint's car stopped on the street beside her, him jumping out as soon as he did. He pulled her into his arms, and let her sob into his shoulder for what felt like forever. Eventually he pulled away and helped her into the car. 

He drove silently for a few moments before looking at her sadly. 

"He reacted just like you said he would...didn't he?" Clint asked softly. She nodded, feeling more tears fall down her cheeks. She couldn't remember the last time she had cried this much, and she didn't like it at all. But she knew it was her fault, and she deserved this pain, for what she did to Tony. 

"It's going to be okay, Tash. He'll come around." Clint said, trying and failing to sound reassuring. 

"I don't know Clint." she said, before resting her head on the window and falling into a restless slumber. The last thought she had was how she would never forgive herself.

\---

The next couple of days went by in a blur. She barely registered getting to Clint's, or the worried glances him and his girlfriend sent her way. She was running on autopilot, going through the motions of her debriefs. She paid attention enough to know her mission details, falling back into her Black Widow mindset in order to accomplish this. She didn't want to feel any emotions, and that was the only way to do so without putting herself in danger while on her mission. 

She ran on this autopilot until the night before she and Clint were set to leave. For some reason, all of the feelings she had bottled up in the two weeks since she left Tony's, had hit her all at once. She figured it was because a part of her, even though it was a small part, hoped that Tony would call. She hoped he would call, and forgive her, before she left for so long. But here she was the night before she was set to leave, and he hadn't called. 

The larger part of her knew he wouldn't, that she had finally gone too far and this was the end of the road. Which is why she was sitting in her SHIELD apartment, staring down at her pistol, debating whether or not to use it. She had never had these thoughts before, but ever since she joined SHIELD, she had been dealing with all of her feelings and her past. And the main reason why she did that was Tony. But now she didn't have Tony. 

"Tasha?" she heard Clint ask from the doorway, and she knew he was worried. He stepped into the room when she didn't answer, and moved the gun out of her sight. She finally looked up at him, and something in her eyes made his face fall. 

"Oh Tasha." he said, sitting down next to her, letting her rest her head on his shoulder. 

"I feel so stupid. Like one of those girls who thinks the world is over when the guy they like doesn't take them to prom." she said, self loathing evident in her voice. Clint just nodded, showing he was listening, but he didn't say anything. She took that as a cue to keep talking. 

"But this feels so much deeper than that. They took me, as a child, and they molded me from the moment I could talk. They tortured me, forced me to do things a child should never have to do. And I did it. And I didn't feel any remorse for the things I did...until I met Tony. All those years of training and torture, and some sixteen year old kid, was able to break through. He showed me I could be more. He was the only one who saw the good in me for so long, and I finally started to believe that maybe he was right. But now..." she trailed off. Clint let out a sigh.

"But now you're still good." he said firmly, but she just shook her head. 

"How can I be? When I hurt the only one who could see it? I hurt him. He believed I was good, and told me I could be more than what they made me, more than what I thought I was. And what did I do in return? Lied to him. For years. I'm not a good person. And I probably never was." she finished. Clint was giving her a sad look, and opened his mouth, probably to protest. She held up a hand to stop him. 

"I'll be fine. I won't use the gun. But I'm tired. I'll see you in the morning." she said, pointedly opening her door for him to leave. Clint stood up and looked at her for a moment, trying to find something in her eyes. He didn't seem to find what he was looking for though, because he grabbed her weapons bag, before heading out the door with a dark look on his face. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry. Come yell at me in the comments and let me know what you think. 
> 
> Again, I'm sorry. 
> 
> But I have to know, are you guys liking this so far? Is it good, bad, awful, okay?? Please give me some feedback here!
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	6. the pieces you left of me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. Sorry if these chapters are taking a while...school is rough my dude. 
> 
> Sorry again...another sad one, but this one has a bit of closure and hopefully you can see where I'm beginning to take the story...if not just stay tuned. 
> 
> Trigger Warning: Anxiety and panic attacks, just be cautious and take care of yourselves!
> 
> This chapter is inspired by "Do Me a Favor" by Anson Seabra.
> 
> Please leave a comment about what you think!

_"I wake up_   
_From heartbreak_   
_At half-past 10_   
_And someone_   
_Is calling_   
_It's you again_

_Lies on lies on lies and_   
_Every single time_   
_You call I fall for this_   
_You can't make this right_   
_It's time to say goodbye and_   
_Leave this where it is_

_So do me a favour_   
_And hang up the phone_   
_'Cause all the memories made_   
_And everything that you gave me_   
_Led to being alone_   
_Look in the mirror_   
_Do you like what you see_   
_And do you spend all your time_   
_Finding places to hide_   
_The pieces you left of me_   
_So do me a favour_

_The cup with_   
_My coffee_   
_Is now full of tears_   
_The last of_   
_My patience_   
_Has just disappeared_

_Why are you still on the line_   
_You've taken so much time from me, my dear_   
_Can't take one more night_   
_It's time for you to try the loneliness I feel"_

_~Anson Seabra, "Do Me a Favor"~_

\---

He jerks awake, his heart racing. He looks around frantically, before realizing his phone ringing was what woke him up. His eyes felt dry and irritated, and his head was pounding, probably from crying himself to sleep the night before. He got up slowly and grabbed his phone. 

"Stark." he said into the phone, hoping it wasn't a business call. 

"Tony...it's Clint." the voice said, and Tony felt himself freeze. He choked on his words a couple times before he was able to get control of his words. 

"Clint...I-" he started, but Clint shushed him so he fell silent. 

"Nat told me what happened, well she told me what she had to tell you, she wouldn't tell me what happened between you two, though. But she's really shaken up about it, I caught her staring at her guns last night." Clint said, and Tony felt a pang of fear race through him.

"She-what?" he choked out, fear clutching at his insides. Clint shushed him again, which if he was in a different mood he would have been annoyed with. 

"It's fine. She's okay. I wasn't calling to make you feel bad. I just- I get it okay? I know what it feels like to feel betrayed by the person you trusted the most. My brother did the same thing to me, so what you're going through? I understand. And you have every right to feel hurt and angry." Clint said, and Tony felt nothing but confusion at his words. 

"But Natasha..." he trailed off, still confused. Clint sighed. 

"Yeah. She's hurting, but so are you. You both just need some time to think it through. I just wanted to call you to tell you that we were headed out for our undercover op. I'll call you when we're back, and just promise me you'll talk it through?" Clint asked, his voice sounded a bit tired, but hopeful. Tony felt himself nodding. 

"Yeah. When you get back, I'll call her." Tony promised. The hurt was still really recent and it made it hard to breathe at times, and so far he couldn't find it in himself to forgive Natasha, but he still loved her. And that was more than enough of a reason to talk it through, to at least get closure.

"Good." Clint said, voice still tired. Tony was about to hang up before he paused. 

"Clint? Just...look after her okay?" he whispered. He heard Clint give a small huff of laughter on the other line. 

"Of course you would still annoy me about her safety even when you're mad at her. I'll take care of her." Clint promised before the line clicked dead. Tony let out a deep breath. 

"Tony?" a voice piped in from the other side of his bedroom door, he felt tears bubble to his eyes at the voice. He walked over to the door and opened it to reveal his aunt, a worried look on her face, standing on the other side of the door. 

"Oh, Bambi. What's happened? Mr. Jarvis called me, he said you've barely left your room in weeks?" Peggy said softly, and Tony's resolve cracked and he broke into a sob, launching himself forward. Peggy made a bit of a startled noise, but wrapped her arms tightly around his back, shushing him quietly. 

"Okay, love. It's okay, we'll figure this out. I got you." he could hear Peggy whisper as she stroked his hair and pressed a soft kiss to the crown of his head. He stayed in her arms for longer than probably necessary, feeling too much like a child, before he finally pulled away. He ducked his head down when he did, but his aunt just clicked her tongue and forced him to look up at her. Her eyes softened at his face, and she wrapped an arm around his shoulder. 

"Okay ducky," she started, pulling out his old nickname which brought a small smile to his face, "Let's get some water into you, and then you can tell me what this is all about, huh?" she said, steering him towards the kitchen. He just nodded silently, letting her lead him around the house. 

She sat him down at the counter and started moving around the kitchen, before setting a glass of water down in front of him. He smiled gratefully, and busied himself with downing the entire glass. Peggy watched him with assessing eyes, before refilling the cup for him when he had finished. But this time he just stared at the cup, avoiding his aunt's gaze. 

"Okay, spill. What's happened that's got you all out of sorts." Peggy demanded, settling down across from him, her eyebrow raised. He took a deep breath, shaking his head. 

"Um, well I saw Natasha a couple weeks ago. She showed up at the house..." he trailed off, looking up at his aunt, who just motioned for him to continue. He nodded shakily. "Um yeah so she came over, she had some time off before her next mission. But um, she came to tell me something." he said. Peggy furrowed her eyebrows when he came to a stop, her eyes flicking over his face. 

"What did she tell you, love?" she asked softly, and Tony felt more tears prick his eyes. He let out a frustrated breath at that, annoyed with his emotions. He felt like such a child, crying about this, but he couldn't help it. 

"She told me that the reason we met, was because she was on a mission to get information from Howard...and that's why she came over to me the night we met. To get information." he finished, his voice quiet. Peggy made a humming noise, before she started moving around the kitchen, preparing some food. 

"I see. And why does that bother you?" Peggy asked, her focus on whatever she was putting together next to the stove. He furrowed his eyebrows at her nonchalance, but decided to answer anyway. 

"Because I trusted her, more than anybody. I told her things I've never told anyone else, and I let her get close to me. And the entire time she had only gotten to know me for information, just like everyone else. Just like..." he stopped, his voice breaking and Peggy turned to him with a sad smile. 

"Like Sunset? And Ty?" she asked softly, and he felt his breath catch at the names, but he nodded with a sniff. Peggy hummed knowingly. 

"Did Natasha know about them?" Peggy asked, turning back to the stove. Tony let out a bitter laugh. 

"Yeah. I told her." he said, his voice hard. He heard Peggy sigh, before she turned around again, placing a bowl of soup in front of him this time. 

"I see. It's not so much what she did, it's that she should have known better?" Peggy asked, raising an eyebrow. Tony ducked his head and trained his eyes onto the soup in front of him, shrugging. 

"I guess? She knew how much they hurt me, and she even told me how awful they were to use me like that. And yet she was sitting on the fact that she did the same thing? I'm not mad that she did it, I don't think. I'm mad that she decided not to tell me knowing...everything that she knows." he said, running his spoon through the soup but not making any move to eat it. 

"And you don't think you can trust her anymore?" Peggy asked then, staring at him sternly until he finally took a bite of the soup to please her. He shrugged again, taking a few more bites of the soup, not realizing how hungry he was. 

"I don't know if I can...What am I supposed to do?" he asked, looking up at her. She walked over and brushed his hair out of his face, pressing a kiss on his forehead. 

"It seems to me you have a lot of thinking to do before she gets back." she said. 

\---

Six months later he receives the call from Clint that they are back. He ends up having a panic attack just at the thought of calling Natasha. He had spent the last six months in an anxiety induced spiral, rethinking every moment of their relationship trying to pick out what was real and what was not. He hated how it made him feel. He spent twenty minutes staring at the phone, trying to get the courage to dial the number. Finally he took a deep breath and pressed call. 

"Tony?" a voice interrupted the ringing. He felt his heart speed up painfully at her voice. 

"Hey." he said, not knowing what else to say. 

"Hi." she said back, and suddenly all the hurt hit him full force. 

"Was any of it real? Or did you just enjoy stringing me along?" he spit out, his voice shaking. He couldn't tell whether that was from anger or nerves. He heard a surprised noise from the other line, before Natasha let out a sad sigh. 

"It was all real Tony. It stopped being about the mission after five minutes of knowing you. I promise I didn't enjoy lying to you." she said, her voice thick with emotion. But there was a voice in the back of his head screaming that she was lying. 

"No. See if it was real...if you loved me? You would have told me." he said, his voice rising slightly. He hated having serious conversations over the phone, but he didn't think he could have handled seeing her face either. 

"I know. I should have. I do love you though Tony...you are the most important person in the world to me." Natasha responded, her voice small. Tony blinked at the words, but a pit formed in his stomach. 

"I thought you said...when I told you about...Ty and Sunset. You said that if they actually loved me...they wouldn't treat me like that." Tony whispered, and he heard her breath hitch. 

"Tony..." she pleaded, but he shook his head jerkily, though she couldn't see it. 

"No. No, I can't. I need to go." he choked out, hanging up quickly, trying to keep control of his breathing. His heart was clenching painfully, and it hurt to breathe. 

"Sir, you need to take a deep breath." he heard, before he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder. He nodded, but when he tried to take a breath his chest tightened painfully. He let out a sob, shaking his head. 

"It hurts." he choked out, feeling the tears falling down his face. He heard a shushing noise, before he was led to his couch. 

"I know it hurts, but you need to breathe, young sir." the voice who he now recognized as Jarvis, said. He nodded, taking in a breath, even though it felt like his lungs were being stabbed. He kept breathing, each breath coming in easier than the last. 

"There you go. Here, have some water." Jarvis said after a couple minutes, handing Tony a glass of water. He took it gratefully, taking a few small sips, still focused on his breathing. After a couple of minutes of this he finally felt calm, and he looked up at Jarvis gratefully. 

"Thanks, Jay." he said, his voice hoarse. Jarvis gave him a tight smile, before taking his empty cup and placing it in the kitchen, before coming and taking a seat in front of Tony. He had an awkward look on his face, as though he wanted to say something, but didn't know how. 

"Just say it, Jay." Tony finally said, and Jarvis looked up at him thoughtfully. 

"It's just. I don't think this relationship is healthy for you anymore." Jarvis finally said after a few moments. The words felt like a punch to the gut, but Tony ignored it and tilted his head. 

"What do you mean? Every couple has rough patches right?" Tony asked, watching as Jarvis nodded with furrowed eyebrows. 

"Of course, sir. But..." he hesitated, looking away from Tony. Tony didn't quite know how to react to this side of Jarvis. His butler slash father figure had never really had trouble telling him what he thought before. 

"Jay, you know I value your opinion over pretty much anyone else's. Just tell me." Tony said, and Jarvis sent him a small smile before nodding. 

"Well sir. I know you love Lady Natasha...but ever since she told you about her mission, you haven't really been yourself. This is the fourth panic attack you've had concerning her, just this week alone. Not to mention the ones you had almost daily for the first few months." Jarvis said, nothing but loving concern in his eyes. Tony nodded slowly.

"You've been keeping track of my panic attacks?" he asked quietly, looking down at his hands to avoid his butler's piercing gaze. 

"Of course, young sir. Only because I've been concerned about you. You've always had them, since you were younger. But I've never seen them happen this frequently or this severely." Jarvis spoke up, causing Tony to look up at him in awe. Even though he had known Jarvis for his entire life, it always surprised him when the older man admitted to caring so much about him. 

"And you think it's her fault?" Tony asked, and Jarvis hesitated another second before nodding. Tony let out a shaky breath, running a hand through his hair. "Okay, so what do you think I should do? Do I talk to her about it?" Tony asked, feeling a little desperate. 

"While I think talking to her would be wise, I don't know if the relationship should continue...for now." Jarvis finished and Tony furrowed his eyebrows. 

"You mean break up with her? But Jay..." he trailed off when Jarvis held up a hand to stop him.

"I don't mean permanently. I know you love her, and she loves you I can tell that much. But maybe you two just need some time away from each other, just to get past this." Jarvis finished. Before Tony could say anything else, the phone started ringing in the kitchen. Jarvis gave him a warm smile, before squeezing his shoulder and leaving the room to answer the phone.

Tony sat there in silence, letting Jarvis' words fly around in his mind. He knew Jarvis was probably right. He was tired of having a panic attack every time he thought of Natasha for too long. Before he could think about it any further, Jarvis came back into the room, phone in his hand. 

"Sir, it's Master Rhodey. I would maybe ask his advice?" Jarvis said, handing him the phone. 

"Rhodey!" he shouted as soon as the phone touched his ear. But his voice didn't sound as joyous as he wanted it to. 

"Hey, Tones." Rhodey said, and Tony sighed at the tone. 

"You have your concerned voice on. Why do you have your concerned voice on?" Tony asked, trying to lighten the mood. He could hear Rhodey let out a small laugh. 

"Well, a little birdie told me you've been having a lot of panic attacks. So why don't you tell me why I have my concerned voice on?" Rhodey replied, his voice leaving no room for argument. Tony sighed, dropping his head into his free hand. 

"Jarvis needs to mind his business." he sighed. 

"He sounded concerned Tony, don't blame him. I weaseled the information out of him, because _someone_ hasn't called me in weeks." Rhodey said, sounding a little annoyed. Tony sighed again. 

"I know. I'm sorry. I just...something happened that really messed with me I guess." he said reluctantly. He knew he couldn't tell Rhodey any of the details, since even though they were having problems he still cared about Natasha and her safety. But maybe Jarvis was right and his best friend could shed a little light on the subject. 

"I figured as much. Want to talk about it?" Rhodey said, there was some shuffling on the other end and Tony could imagine Rhodey leaning back in his seat getting ready for one of Tony's rant sessions. 

"I don't really want to get into the details...but um I guess a friend of mine...well I guess a little more than friend. She uh admitted to only getting to know me for Howard basically." Tony said, each word coming out slow and careful. He did not want to have another panic attack with Rhodey on the phone. 

"Do I need to take care of this person?" Rhodey asked then, and his voice was cold and hard. Tony could hear the anger in his voice and could picture the tight look that was probably on his face. But then when he processed the words, he let out a small snort. He wondered what would happen if Rhodey tried to fight a former KGB assassin, but he knew it wouldn't be pretty. 

"No Honey-bear. I'm trying to figure out how to handle it like an adult. I can't have you fight all my battles." Tony said, trying to calm his friend down. He could basically hear the eye roll that Rhodey most likely gave him. 

"You definitely can if you need me to. But I guess I can let you try to handle it yourself before I commit any crimes." Rhodey conceded, his joking tone back. Tony let out a small laugh, feeling a bit lighter from his panic attack earlier. 

"I appreciate the confidence you have in me, Platypus." Tony retorted, and he heard Rhodey laugh too before he stopped and sighed. 

"Is there anything I can do? I hate feeling helpless." Rhodey said, and his voice had a pleading tone to it. 

"Well, Jay thinks I should take a break from this person, even though I really care about them. Just to...I guess get some space and figure out how to be okay with what they did, and not have a panic attack every time I think about it." Tony said, trailing his fingers over the seam of the couch he was sitting on, just to have something to do with his free hand. Rhodey hummed. 

"Jarvis is very wise. Honestly? That sounds like it's exactly what you need. This relationship isn't going to go anywhere if you are constantly overthinking every part of it and freaking yourself out in the process. It's not healthy...for either of you." Rhodey said, and Tony knew he was right. He let out a tired sigh, flopping back on the pillows, eyes focused on the ceiling. 

"But what if s-they don't want to wait for me to sort my shit out?" Tony asked after a few moments, voice small. 

"Then they aren't worth you're time." Rhodey said shortly, a bit of his previous anger seeping back through. "Seriously, Tones. Take care of yourself first and if they're still there, then perfect. If not...then maybe you should let them go." Rhodey finished, his tone more gentle. Tony nodded. 

"Yeah. Okay. You're right. I'm gonna go muster up the courage to talk to them one last time. Thanks, Jim." Tony said, and he could practically hear Rhodey's fond smile in his next words. 

"Anything for you, Tones. Call me if you need me, no matter what time it is." Rhodey said. And after Tony agreed several times that he would call his friend, they finally hung up. He let out a breath, before heading back into the kitchen, where Jarvis was preparing dinner. 

"How is Master Rhodes?" his butler asked when he sat down at the kitchen counter. Tony shrugged. 

"I'm assuming good. He really didn't say much about himself, just mother-henned me instead." Tony said, feeling slightly guilty over the fact that he didn't even ask about his friend's life. Jarvis just nodded, returning his focus to the vegetables in front of him. 

"He agreed with you. So I think I'm going to talk to Natasha...and take a break." Tony said after a couple minutes of silence. He watched his butler closely, but he gave away nothing in his expression and just nodded calmly. 

"I'm glad you worked it out." he said, and Tony just let out a laugh before jumping off the counter and taking the knife from the man, resuming the chopping himself. Jarvis just shook his head, before moving on to preparing the rest of the ingredients. 

\---

Tony walked into the coffee shop, looking around a bit before spotting the familiar red hair. He was the one who decided to ask for a break in person, and he was now regretting it as he looked at her from a distance. She didn't seem nervous, her green eyes scanning the booths around her, until they finally rested on him. She gave him a tentative smile, before motioning for him to join her. He shook his hands out nervously before walking over. 

"Hi." she said, once he had sat down. He nodded stiffly in greeting, before the waitress came over to take their orders. They stayed awkwardly silent for as long as it took to take their orders, and then deliver them. Tony stared down at his coffee, wondering if his stomach could even keep it down, when Natasha finally spoke up. 

"How are you?" she asked softly, her eyes trained on her drink as well. It was covered with whipped cream, and probably had more sugar than coffee, but he knew it was her favorite. He let a small smile grace his face at the thought, before he shrugged. 

"Not great...that's why I asked you to come here." he said, and he could see a foreign emotion flash across her face quickly before it was gone. She nodded in resignation. 

"It's over?" she asked, her voice quick and business like. Tony could feel the guilt pooling in his gut at the thought of upsetting her, so he shook his head. 

"Not really. Kinda? I just...I love you Natasha. I love you so much, and I don't want to do anything to mess up what we have. Which is why I think we need a break." he spat out quickly. He could tell she had to decipher his words for a moment, her green eyes flicking across his face as she processed his words. She raised an eyebrow. 

"A break?" she asked, her tone guarded. He nodded, pushing down the nerves that were trying to fight their way to the surface. 

"I'm tired Tasha. I can't even think about our relationship without having a panic attack most days." Hurt flashed across her face at these words but he held up a hand to show her he wasn't done.

"That's on me. I've always been an over thinker, and even though I think I know deep down that what we had was real, that doesn't stop me from overthinking everything. And it's exhausting to have to second guess everything you say and do. Not to mention that it's not fair to you. But maybe if we had some time...for me to work through that and get over it, then we can start again without all the baggage." he finished, his hands spinning his cup repeatedly on the table. Natasha reached over and gently stopped his hands from moving. 

"Do you really think that will change anything?" she asked softly, looking at him cautiously. He nodded. 

"Yeah. I need time to work through my own shit, so I'm not dragging it with us and letting it fester. That wouldn't end well for us in the long run. And you. You just joined SHIELD, you are figuring out who you are. You're still trying to deal with your past. So maybe...maybe it's best for us to figure out ourselves separately, and then maybe we can become an us again, but without the past to drag us down." Tony rambled, eyes focused on her hand that was resting on his. She was quiet for a moment, and he could feel her gaze on him, studying him in the way only Natasha could.

"Will there ever be an us again?" she asked finally, her voice fragile and small. He could tell she was forcing herself to be open and vulnerable with him, rather than shutting her emotions off like she was trained to do. He flipped his hand over and gave her smaller one a reassuring squeeze. 

"I think so. I've never loved anyone like I love you. And I don't think I could love anyone else the same way. I can't guarantee that I won't date other people...it's kind of the image I have to maintain with the public...but I don't think I'll ever stop loving you." Tony admitted, knowing he needed to say this, just so that he knew in the future that he put everything that he could into making their relationship work. He looked up and met her gaze. There was something sad lingering behind her green eyes, but she was giving him a small smile. 

"I love you too, you know. You were the reason I even thought I could possibly be...good. You helped me believe that I could be something else, that I could be whatever I wanted to be. I don't think anyone else could ever hold a candle to you. So...if you think this is what is best for us, then okay." she said, her eyes still twinkling with sadness.

"Okay?" he asked, and she gave him a shaky nod. "Okay. I guess this is goodbye for now. Just remember that I believe in you, okay? I will always believe in you." he whispered, standing up and pulling her into a tight hug. He could feel her shaking slightly as she nodded into his shoulder. 

"Remember that I think you're more than enough." she whispered back, before pulling away and pressing a soft kiss to his cheek. He felt tears well up in his eyes at her words but he nodded, taking a step back. 

"This is good. Taking a break? It's going to be good for us." he said, backing away. She gave him a sad smile. 

"I hope so." she said. She gave him one last nod, before he finally turned away and walked out the door. 

He felt his heart pounding, the anxiety that had been creeping up the entire time they were together coming back full force. He got into the car quickly, slipping into the back seat and placing his head between his knees, trying hard to focus on his breathing. Once he finally got his breathing under control he looked up at Jarvis who was sat in the driver's seat, his eyes knowing. 

"Are you feeling okay, sir?" he asked, turning around to start the car. Tony knew he was asking if he still thought he had made the right decision. And even though it was hard, and it hurt to say goodbye, he knew they were meant to be together. Someday their paths would cross again and that this time they spent apart would make them stronger. 

"Yeah, J. I think everything will be okay." he said, letting out a breath of relief. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry? I had to do it. Anyway...let me know what you thought in the comments!!!


	7. oh oh, got a new love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay new chapter! Sorry if this took a while, but school is hard man. I combined two chapters together so that this update would be long instead of two kinda short ones. 
> 
> This chapter was inspired by both "Kerosene" and "When it's Over" by Anson Seabra. 
> 
> I'll just put a blanket trigger warning, I don't think there's anything big in the chapter but just take care of yourselves!
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter! Please leave a comment too and let me know what you think? It really helps my writing motivation if I know you guys are liking it!
> 
> Enjoy!

_"Empty bottles on a dusty wooden floor_  
_A remedy I've tried too many times_  
_Echoes in my mind of shouts and slamming doors_  
_I've done better with goodbyes_  
_Now the sun is heading back into its grave_  
_It's a cold October night_  
_Taste the autumn air and hope to find a way_  
_To keep the dark out of my mind_

_Kerosene, kerosene_  
_She lit me up_  
_She left me numb_  
_I call her kerosene_  
_Kerosene, kerosene_  
_She lit me up_  
_She left me numb_  
_I call her kerosene"_

_~Anson Seabra, "Kerosene"_

\---

_"Don't wanna be there when it's over_  
_Crying all alone cause_  
_I'll be here and you'll be moving on_  
_Don't wanna be there when I'm sober_  
_Hoping that I over-dose on anything to keep me numb_  
_Oh and I know I shouldn't need you_  
_Know what this could lead to_  
_And I know_  
_And I know_  
_That I'll be alright but I don't wanna be there when it's over_  
_Don't wanna be there when it's over_

_Oh oh, got a new love_  
_Best time of your life_  
_Oh oh, got a new love_  
_Seems just like your type_  
_Oh oh, got a new love_  
_Tell me what you find_  
_Oh oh, got a new love"_

_~Anson Seabra, "When It's Over"_

"Tones." the voice filtered in through the haze. He blinked up at the source of the voice to find Rhodey standing over him, eyes sad. 

"Hey Sour-Patch." he said, fake enthusiasm dripping from his voice. Rhodey just raised an unamused eyebrow and helped him to stand up. 

"Is this about that person you broke things off with? I thought you were doing better?" Rhodey asked, walking him over to the couch and helping him sit down before he started picking up the empty alcohol bottles scattered across the lab. 

"I am, I've only had two panics attacks about it this week. Now I'm just...overthinking about if I made the right decision...and I miss them. I just wanted to forget everything for a bit." Tony said, sadness seeping back in over the numb feeling he had drank himself into. Rhodey just nodded thoughtfully, staying silent as he cleaned the lab. Tony just leaned back on the couch and watched him. 

"What if you went on a date? I know the playboy stuff in the papers is fake, but what if you went on an actual date?" Rhodey spoke up several minutes later. Tony had to sit up and blink a few times in order to process his words. 

"And what good would that do?" Tony asked, his voice slightly bitter. Rhodey just held his hands up and shrugged. 

"I don't know man, but maybe it could just help you acclimate to not being with that person anymore. Help things get back to some semblance of normalcy, it's been months." Rhodey said, moving back to sit next to him on the couch. Tony scrunched his nose, thinking over the words. 

"I guess it wouldn't hurt." he finally conceded and Rhodey gave him a bright smile. 

"That's the spirit. I actually have someone in mind." Rhodey said, giving him a teasing grin. Tony narrowed his eyes. 

"I don't like that look." Tony said, pointing an accusing finger in Rhodey's direction, before a glass was pushed towards him. He looked over at DUM-E and smiled. 

"Thanks DUM-E." he said, patting his bot and accepting the water. Rhodey just watched him fondly. 

"I met her at a work thing. She's a geneticist, really smart. You'd like her." Rhodey continued once Tony was done chugging down the glass of water. Tony grimaced a bit, before nodding. 

"Fine. I'll give it a shot." he said, standing up and heading back over to his worktable. Rhodey hummed in agreement, before walking over to him and ducking his head to force Tony to look at him. 

"What?" Tony asked, raising an eyebrow. Rhodey just studied him silently, before letting out a sigh. 

"Just promise me no more alcohol? Just--please?" he finally said, and guilt twisted in his gut. He lowered his eyes, focusing on the dirty rag in his hands. He was silent for a moment before he nodded, looking back up seeing the relieved look on his best friends face. 

"Okay, Rhodey. Promise." he said, earning a grateful grin from the other man. Rhodey pulled him into a quick side hug. 

"Good. Now, I'm going to set up the date for this weekend, so you better be presentable." Rhodey said, already heading out of the lab. Tony just hummed in agreement and waved him off. He lost himself in his thoughts and the small machine sitting in front of him for a couple hours, before there was a knock on his lab door that startled him out of his head. He turned to see Jarvis standing there with a phone receiver in his hand. He waved the butler in and spun around on his stool. 

"What can I do for you J?" he asked, giving his butler a small smile. Jarvis returned the smile before holding the phone out for Tony to take. 

"There's a Mr. Baker on the phone for you, sir? I don't recognize the name, but he said it was important?" Jarvis said, a silent question in his voice. Tony wracked his brain at the name, but nobody he knew came to mind. He shrugged and accepted the phone. 

"It's all good J, I'll take care of it. Why don't you go upstairs and relax? I'm making dinner tonight and I'll be up as soon as this is all squared away." Tony said, reassuring his friend that everything was fine. Jarvis just bowed his head in agreement and headed out the door. Tony waited for a moment before pressing the receiver to his ear. 

"Look, I don't know who you are or how you got this number-" Tony started before a familiar voice cut him off. 

"Tony." he stopped short, panic igniting in his gut. 

"Clint? Is everything okay? Is Tasha alright?" Tony blurted out before he could stop himself. He forced himself to swallow the panic clawing up his throat. 

"Hey, calm down. Everything's fine. Nat's okay. I just wanted to check in on you." Clint's calm voice fell over him and eased the tension in his lungs. He took a deep breath and shook his head a bit. 

"Why?" he asked suspiciously once the words finally sunk in. He heard Clint let out a chuckle at his words. 

"Because I like you Tony. I know the break up was hard on both of you, even though it was for the best. I think of you as a friend, and friends check in on each other." Clint explained, and Tony couldn't find any hint of deceit in his voice so he let out a small sigh. 

"Thanks, that's actually really nice of you. I'm...I'm fine. It's been a rough couple months, but I promised my friend that I'd stop drinking to drown my sorrows, so you don't need to worry about me." Tony admitted, earning a thoughtful hum from Clint. 

"Rhodes is a good guy, I'm sure he'll keep you in line." Clint responded which stopped Tony short again. 

"Wait. I never said who my friend was. How do you know about Rhodey?" Tony asked, his eyes narrowing. Clint laughed. 

"I was following Natasha remember? Before I recruited her? And she spent a lot of time with you, so you were a person of interest. So, I also kept an eye on you...so I learned some things?" Clint explained, sounding more hesitant the more he said. Tony just let out a snort and rolled his eyes. 

"I should have known. You spies are all the same." Tony joked, earning a surprised laugh from Clint. 

"How many spies do you know Stark? Have you been cheating on me with another spy?" Clint whined, pitching his voice dramatically. Tony let out another snort before deciding to play along. 

"Yes, darling. You just weren't doing it for me anymore, and as you know a man has needs." Tony said, faking a posh English accent that would earn him a slap over the head from his aunt. Clint was now cackling loudly on the other end, causing Tony to let out a few laughs of his own, feeling lighter than he had in a while. 

"You are something else Stark." Clint finally responded once their laughter had died down. Tony smiled. 

"So I've been told. I-" Tony replied, and then started to ask the question he'd been dying to ask before he hesitated, stopping short. He heard a sigh over the phone, and could practically hear the soft smile Clint had on his face as he responded. 

"She's okay. She's been distracting herself with missions and trainings, I can't get her to relax much. But she'll be okay, I'll make sure of it." Clint said gently, his voice soft and reassuring. Tony nodded to himself, blinking back the tears that were prickling at the corner of his eyes. 

"Thanks Clint. You're a good guy, you know?" Tony said, his voice raspier than before. Clint let out a small laugh at that. 

"What a raving review. Thanks, man. And promise me you'll take care of yourself?" Clint asked then, surprising Tony with the amount of concern in his voice. Concern for him.

"I'll try my best." Tony responded quietly, still reeling over the concern the other man was showing him. 

"Good. I'm going to call you often, just to make sure you're still alive and all that, so answer when I call okay?" Clint said then, and Tony nodded before answering.

"I will. Thanks, Clint...for everything." he said, and the other man hummed a quick reply before the line clicked dead. He stared at the phone in his hand for a minute, before his computer chimed with an email. He looked over and saw a confirmation for his date on Friday from Rhodey. 

His heart clenched painfully at the thought of someone trying to replace Natasha. He let out a shaky breath, allowing a few tears to escape his eyes, before he pulled himself back together. He shook his hands out and stood up, forcing himself out of the lab to prepare dinner for Jarvis. 

\---

"There you are." she heard a voice say softly from behind her. She forced herself not to react as they settled down next to her. Once the movement stopped she glanced to see Clint eyes combing over the area she had been watching. She saw the moment he realized what she was looking at and forced herself to swallow the embarrassment as he turned his eyes back to her. 

"You gotta stop doing this to yourself, Tash." he said quietly, and she looked away, focusing her eyes back at the restaurant across the street. 

"How many?" Clint then asked with a sigh when he realized she wasn't going to answer him. She kept her eyes focused on the man at the table before she responded. 

"This is the fourth date this month. Eighth overall." she said, voice flat. She was forcing herself not to react emotionally. She watched as Tony let out a laugh at whatever the woman across from him had said. She narrowed her eyes as he reached over to tuck a piece of hair back behind the woman's ear. She just barely kept herself from letting a scowl cross her face. 

"And you're watching them why?" Clint asked, turning to face her completely. She shrugged, and he let out a sigh, pulling on her arm until she was facing him instead of the restaurant. She sent him a cold glare. 

"Nat." Clint said quietly, and she let her shoulders drop with a sigh. 

"At first it was just another mission? I wanted to make sure her intentions were pure, that he was safe..." she trailed off, letting her eyes fall back on Tony who was smiling softly at the woman as she waved her hands as she talked. 

"And now?" Clint asked softly after a few moments. She turned back to see him also watching Tony, a sad look on his face. 

"I don't know. It's not jealousy, I don't think. I just feel like I need to know." she admitted, looking down at her hands when Clint turned to look at her. 

"You need to know if he's moved on? Why?" Clint asked, huddling closer to her as the breeze picked up. 

"I just want him to be happy, even if it's not with me. I want him happy and safe, and he seems happy. But..." she trailed off again, not knowing how to verbalize her thoughts. She could feel a lump in her throat forming at the thought of Tony with someone else, and she wasn't sure what to think of it. 

"But it still hurts, yeah?" Clint finished softly, and she nodded, feeling the dam break. Clint wrapped his arms around her shoulders as they started to shake and she let herself cry. 

"Watching him is only going to hurt you more, Nat." Clint finally whispered when she had pulled herself back together. She felt herself glance back at where she knew Tony was still sitting. She nodded. 

"But not knowing hurts more, I think." she whispered, looking back at Clint, knowing she was being vulnerable. But she wanted him to understand why she needed to do this. Why she needed to know that Tony was taken care of and happy. Clint studied her face for a moment before nodding and settling back down with her. 

"Okay, let's watch until they leave, then we'll go get some food." Clint said, his focus already on the restaurant. She squeezed his hand gratefully before settling back down beside him again. 

\---

"Tash. You're phone is ringing." Clint's voice broke her out of her thoughts. She nodded at him quickly before stopping short at the number. She furrowed her eyebrows for a second before answering. 

"Tony?" she asked as she pressed the phone to her ear, ignoring the raised eyebrow Clint sent her way. She waits patiently for Tony to reply but as she listens to the other line she can hear quiet sobs coming from the phone. Her mind flashes back to the night his parents died and he called her, her gut clenching in worry. 

"Tony? What's wrong?" she repeats, worry seeping into her voice. She could see Clint sitting up straighter, watching her warily. She stood up and started pacing waiting for the sobs on the other end to stop enough for Tony to answer her. 

"Tash..." Tony choked out between sobs, his voice full of sadness. Natasha barely repressed a flinch hearing the pain in his voice. 

"I'm right here, Tones. What's going on?" she asked softly, worry bubbling over her. Clint was standing now, gripping his bow tightly, his knuckles white with the pressure. 

"He's gone Tasha. Jarvis-" Tony finally whispered, the rest of his sentence cut off with a harsh sob. Natasha felt her heart drop all the way to her stomach as she collapsed back on the chair behind her.

"Oh, Tony. I'm so sorry. What do you need? Is there anyone there with you?" Natasha asked, concern lacing her voice at the thought of him being alone with her so far away. She listened to the sound of his sobs for a moment, before he seemed to process her words. 

"No. Rhodey can't come until tomorrow...I don't....Tash." Tony whined, his voice broken. Natasha squeezed her eye shut at the sound of his voice breaking, wanting nothing more than to drop everything to take care of him. But she was halfway across the world on a mission, there was no way she could get there in time. 

"I know, Tony. I know. I'll take care of it okay? I promise it will be okay." Natasha soothed, signing orders to Clint sharply. She needed a way to get a hold of Mary. 

"It's not okay Tash, it hurts." Tony sobbed, his voice sounding hopeless and empty. Natasha felt tears stinging the corners of her eyes as Clint slipped her a piece of paper. 

"I know, люблю. I know it hurts. Tony, you need to promise me something okay? Can you do that?" Natasha asked, keeping her voice soft and soothing. 

"I think so...for you." Tony whispered back, his voice still thick with tears. 

"Good. Promise that you won't go near any alcohol okay? Not until someone is with you, which I'm working on okay?" Natasha said, tapping her fingers over the paper on the table holding Mary's number. 

"Okay, Tash. I promise. No drinking." Tony said, and she could tell he was telling the truth. She nodded. 

"Thank you Tony. I'm going to hang up now, and take care of getting someone there for you okay? Are you going to be okay?" Natasha asked then, she heard a couple of sniffs on the other line before Tony spoke up. 

"I'll be okay. Thank you Tasha. I miss you." Tony said, sounding small. The words hurt Natasha more than she wanted to admit, but she swallowed it down. 

"I miss you too. Call me if you need me Tony." she said, earning a hum in answer before she pressed the end call button. She let her shoulders slump for a moment before she took a deep breath and prepared herself for the next call. She dialed the numbers on the paper quickly, pushing down her emotions and slipping into a more professional head space as the phone rang. 

"Hello?" the soft voice drifted through the speakers. Natasha steeled herself. 

"Is this Mary Parker?" she asked, her tone free of emotion and purely professional. Clint was sitting across from her, his hands still gripping his bow, concern all over his face. 

"Yes this is. May I ask who is calling?" the woman replied politely. 

"Yes. My name is Natalie, I'm an old friend of Tony's." she replied, using a cover name. 

"Oh, is he okay?" the woman asked then, concern lacing her voice. Natasha could tell she was genuine, and knew she was making the right call. 

"Not really. We just got news that his butler, Jarvis died. He isn't doing great right now, and Rhodey won't be there until tomorrow. I got your number from him, to ask if you'd be willing to go check on Tony?" Natasha responded, playing the part of distantly worried friend as best as she could. She heard a small gasp come from the woman at the news. 

"Of course. I'll head over there right now. Thank you, Natalie." Mary responded frantically, and Natasha could hear the rustle of keys in the background before the line clicked dead. 

Natasha let out a long sigh, letting the phone drop to the table. She sat there staring blankly at the phone until she felt arms wrap around her. 

"I'm fine." she felt herself saying, her voice flat. Clint just shook his head sadly. 

"No you're not. You knew Jarvis too. And I know hearing Tony so upset wasn't easy on you. You're not fine." Clint repeated, and Natasha let her head fall gently on his shoulder. She felt too numb to let any tears come, but she reveled in the comfort being offered. 

"I'll call Coulson. Tell him we're heading back early?" Clint asked after a few minutes of silence. She just pulled away and nodded. Clint squeezed her shoulder before walking away and pressing a com unit to his ear. 

A few days later she was standing behind a grove of small trees, watching the small crowd dressed in black standing next to a fresh grave. She could make out Tony, standing near the front. Peggy was standing next to him, a red hat on her head that stood out among the sea of black. Next to her was Rhodey, dressed in uniform, his head bowed.

But the person she focused on was the woman clutching Tony's other arm, her face turned towards Tony whispering to him quietly. She knew it was Mary, but something deep inside her wished it was her. 

She stayed there for a couple more minutes, watching as they lowered the casket slowly. Once the casket fully disappeared into the ground, she spun quickly and forced herself to walk away. 

\---

"It smells amazing in here." he heard Mary say before her footsteps made their way to stand behind him at the stove. 

"Well, I wanted you to be able to relax, so I decided to take over dinner. I'm making pasta!" Tony said proudly, ignoring the way Mary wrinkled her nose at his relaxation comment. 

"I can still cook you know? But I won't say no to this amazing smelling pasta. Where did you learn to cook anyway?" she asked, settling herself next to him with her hip against the counter. He sent her a small smile. 

"My mom was Italian, she taught me a few things." Tony replied, not feeling the usual sting he did when mentioning his mother. Mary beamed at him, which made his insides feel warm. He pulled the pot off the stove and headed to the table that was already set. 

"Grab the garlic bread please?" he asked over his shoulder with a wink. Mary let out a small giggle before she grabbed the basket of bread and followed him to the table. 

"I think you should cook every night." Mary said, once they had finished their meal and were snuggled together on the couch watching the flames in the fireplace flicker. 

"That good, huh?" he teased, pressing a kiss to her hair. She nodded at him before tilting her head up and pressing a kiss to his lips. They were interrupted though when the phone started ringing. He gave Mary an apologetic smile before he pulled away and grabbed the receiver off the coffee table in front of him. He settled back next to her as he answered. 

"This is Stark." he answered, unsure who would be calling his personal number this late at night. 

"Hey Tony." he felt himself stop short at the tone with which Clint said his name. He sat up straighter, pulling away from Mary completely. 

"Clint?" he stuttered out. He heard a deep sigh on the other line, and he could tell Clint wasn't doing well. 

"We were on a mission, it was supposed to be easy. A quick in an out..." Clint trailed off, and Tony felt his stomach turn to lead. 

"But?" he heard himself ask, feeling as if he was floating outside of his body. 

"But our cover got blown. It ended in a shootout." Clint explained, his voice strained. 

"Are you guys okay?" he asked, feeling himself stand up from the couch despite Mary's protests. He started pacing in front of the fireplace, his hands shaking. 

"I'm fine, just a bullet graze for me. But Nat...she got hit bad. Right between the lungs, they took her straight to surgery. I don't-" Clint's voice cut out with a harsh sob from the other man. Tony hadn't known Clint for long, but he knew him well enough to know this was the first time he'd ever heard him so upset. 

"Surgery?" Tony squeaked out, feeling lightheaded. He stumbled a bit, to which Mary quickly stood up and steadied him before leading him back to the couch and forcing him to sit down. 

"Yeah. Do you--do you think you could come by? Please? I don't want to be alone and our handler had to report to HQ..." Clint asked, sounding small and hesitant. Tony felt himself nodding before he even answered. 

"Yeah, yeah. I'll come now. Where are you?" Tony asked, listening as Clint rattled off the address grateful for his eidetic memory so he didn't have to worry about forgetting. He assured Clint he would be there as soon as he could before he hung up. 

"Do you need me to drive you?" Mary spoke up, startling Tony out of his thoughts. He shook his head jerkily. 

"No it's okay. I can drive myself. It's a friend, she had to get rushed to surgery, it's not looking good." Tony explained, watching as Mary nodded sympathetically. 

"Is it Natalie?" she asked, and Tony furrowed his eyebrows. 

"Natalie?" he asked, and she nodded. 

"Yeah, you're friend Natalie? The one who called me a few months ago, and told me about Jarvis?" Mary explained, and Tony felt the air leave his lungs for a moment. He hadn't known how Mary had found out, he had just assumed it was Rhodey, but apparently it was Natasha. He nodded quickly. 

"Yeah. It's Nat. I got to go?" he phrased his words like a question as if asking permission. Mary just smiled and nodded, helping him into his coat and handing him the keys. She pressed a quick kiss to his temple before pushing him out the door. 

"Go. I'll be fine. I'm just going clean up from dinner." Mary said reassuringly. Tony felt relief pump through him with how calm Mary was being. He ducked his head down and pressed a quick kiss to her lips before he rushed to his car. 

The next hour felt like a blur, he didn't even remember driving to the hospital but suddenly he found himself in the lobby unsure of where to go. He looked around frantically when he noticed Clint coming towards him. He rushed forward and tensed slightly when Clint pulled him into a crushing hug. He returned the hug just as fervently, before they both pulled away. 

"Thanks for coming." Clint said, his voice hoarse. Tony took the time to look him over. His clothes were scuffed and wrinkled, and there was dirt smudged on his forehead matching the dark bags under his eyes. 

"You look rough, are you sure you're okay?" Tony asked as Clint turned and started leading him down the hallway to an elevator. Clint just sent him a tired smirk. 

"Yeah man. I got checked out when we got back. I've been here since last night when we got in, I didn't want to leave in case something happened." Clint explained, herding him into the elevator. 

"I'm glad you're okay." Tony said gently, squeezing Clint's shoulder. The other man sent him a grateful smile as he leaned against the wall. 

"Thanks, man. Natasha just got out of surgery, they had to put her under in order to get everything patched up. They're optimistic that she should wake up soon, and they think she'll make a full recovery." Clint explained as the elevator finally came to a stop and he pushed himself off the wall. Tony felt his breaths come a little easier at the news, the panic subsiding slightly. 

"That's good. Good." he mumbled, unsure of what else to say. Clint sent him an understanding look. He followed the other man down a couple hallways until they came to a stop in front of a closed door. Tony stared at it for a moment, before he turned to Clint. 

"Why don't you go get cleaned up? I'll sit with her." Tony said a pleading note evident in his voice. He just wanted to be alone with her for a minute without Clint hovering. Clint nodded knowingly. 

"Sure Tony. I think the nurses are getting annoyed by my stench anyway. I'll be back in a couple hours?" Clint said, starting to walk away. Tony nodded, waving him off and waiting for his figure to disappear back down the hallway before he turned back to the door. 

He let out a shaky breath, before he worked up the courage to open the door. His breath caught in his throat as he took in the sight awaiting him. Natasha looked so small in the big hospital bed, her red hair splayed out on the pillow was a stark contrast to her pale skin. Tony swallowed thickly, before he moved to the chair sitting next to the bed. 

He took her hand softly in his, and pressed a gentle kiss to it. He watched closely but she gave no indication of waking up, so he slumped his shoulders and returned his focus to her hand, rubbing some warmth into it. 

"Tasha. I really hope you wake up soon, and make a full recovery. You're too strong to be taken down by one measly bullet." he didn't know why he was talking, but he kept his focus on their intertwined hands, his thumbs rubbing circles on her knuckles. 

"I miss you a lot you know. And getting the call from Clint? It really scared me, I just can't imagine my life without you in it." he continued after a moment, he was about to keep talking when a whisper broke the silence. 

"Careful, you may give a girl a complex with words like that." he whipped his head up to see emerald green eyes blinking back at him, a soft smirk on her lips. He stood up quickly, getting as close to her side as he could. 

"Tasha!" he breathed, pressing a kiss to her forehead. He moved away quickly and helped her take a few sips of the water that had been sitting on the bedside table. She nodded her thanks, and soon a nurse was sweeping in to check her over. He moved out of the way as they did their work, calling Clint quickly to tell him she had woken up. The other man assured him that he would be back soon, and by the time he ended the call the room was once again empty. 

"I'm really glad you're okay." Tony broke the silence, moving forward to sit back in the chair next to her. She sent him a tired smile. 

"I'm happy you're here. I'm assuming Clint called you?" she asked, her voice still hoarse and quiet. He nodded. 

"Yeah. I sent him to go change and stuff. He said he'd be back later, he also said to tell you he's offended you waited for him to leave to wake up and that he was taking it personally." Tony relayed Clint's message, earning a fond eye roll from Natasha. There was a brief moment of silence where Tony tried to decide if he wanted to say what has been bothering him since he got Clint's call. 

"Mary told me you were the one who called her when Jarvis died?" Tony finally blurted out, watching as Natasha's eyes widened slightly before she stopped herself. 

"Yeah. I know I shouldn't have known about her at all, but I followed her after your first date, to make sure she was safe for you. And then when you called me I was in Budapest, and I needed to make sure there was someone there for you if I couldn't be." Tony nodded at her words, not surprised she had followed Mary at all. He was mostly touched she cared enough to do so. 

"Well, thanks. You could have come, you know? To the funeral?" Tony said then, his eyes flicking down to his hands as he said it. 

"I was there." she responded softly, and he looked up to meet her eyes, confused. She smiled and nodded. "I just stayed out of the way, but I was there." she finished, and Tony felt something warm fill his chest knowing she had been there. He squeezed her hand and gave her a soft smile. 

"I'm glad you were there. He always liked you." Tony said, and Natasha looked a bit surprised at the words. She flashed him a quick smile before turning her eyes away and letting them flick over the machines next to her. 

"So how is Mary?" she finally asked, looking back at him with nothing but pure curiosity in her eyes. He hesitated for a moment, before he decided to come clean. 

"She's pregnant." he blurted, and Natasha's mouth dropped open at the words, before a soft smile filled her face.

"Congratulations, Tony. That's great." she said, sincerely. He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding at her reaction and let the excitement come over him. 

"She just told me last week. So it's new. I've been freaking out ever since though. I told her we should get married, but she wants to wait until after the baby comes so she can fit into a dress better. Do you...I mean...do you think I-" he rambled before he trailed off, not sure how to form his question when Natasha cut him off with a squeeze to his hand that was still holding hers. 

"You're going to be a great dad, Tony." she said softly, and he looked up at her feeling vulnerable. 

"You think so? Cause I don't know Tash. Howard-" Natasha cut him off again with a sharp look. 

"You are not Howard. Okay? You are nothing like that man, and you are going to be a great father." Natasha said firmly, looking him dead in the eyes. He swallowed the lump in his throat and looked down at their hands, nodding. 

"Thanks Tasha. That means a lot, coming from you. I uh I did have a question though?" he said then, blinking the tears from her words quickly from his eyes and looking back up. She eyed him curiously before gesturing for him to continue. 

"Can you- I mean can I- I mean I don't want..." he stuttered, before taking a deep breath and starting over. "I want you to be in my life, and my kid's life. So I was thinking...I was wondering if we could go back to being friends?" he finally spit out, his voice shaky and quiet. Natasha was silent for a moment before she let out a small huff of laughter. 

"Of course, Tony. But I have one condition." she said, her voice growing serious. He nodded. 

"Anything." he said, and her mouth fell into a thin line. 

"I want you to read the file SHIELD has on me. And when you've read it, and only when you've read it, will I agree to being friends." Natasha said quickly, avoiding his gaze. He felt his eyes crinkle in confusion. 

"Your SHIELD file? Why?" he asked, studying her face. She looked at him with a grimace. 

"I want you to have full knowledge of what I've done, and the person I was. I want you to know all of that before you decide you want me in your child's life, Tony. Because after you read it, you might not like me much." she finished in a whisper. Tony shook his head and pressed a kiss to her knuckles. 

"Tash. You are the person I trust the most in this world. I don't think reading any file is going to change how I see you. And besides, I forgave you a long time ago for the Howard thing." Tony assured her, and he could tell he had taken some kind of weight of her shoulders when her eyes lightened slightly. 

"I appreciate the faith you have in me. And I trust you too, more than anyone. But I still want you to read it." she said finally, and he nodded. 

"Okay. I will, but nothing is going to change." he promised, and she gave him a soft smile in return before they were interrupted by the door opening. He looked over to see Clint and another man in a suit walk in. Tony went to pull away from Natasha at the sight of the stranger, unsure if he should even be seen in the same room as Natasha, when she rested her hand on his shoulder gently and smiled. 

"It's okay, he's safe. This is Phil, he's mine and Clint's handler." she spoke softly, and he felt the tension leak out of his shoulders. 

"Nice to finally meet you, Mr. Stark. My agents have nothing but good things to say about you. According to Clint, your blueberry muffins are to die for." the man said, reaching out his hand for Tony to shake. He took it with a laugh and rolled his eyes at Clint above the man's shoulders. 

"He's only had them once, and only because he showed up in my house unannounced and scared me half to death." Tony replied, earning a chuckle form the man and a protesting noise from Clint. 

"I was checking up on you, and I wanted the have the element of surprise." Clint argued with a huff, earning eye rolls from everyone in the room. With that he turned back to Natasha and pulled her into a gentle hug. 

"I'll see you soon, yeah?" he asked quietly and she nodded.

"After you read it, give me a call, I'll bring Clint over for muffins." she replied with a wink. Tony let out a small laugh and pressed a kiss to her cheek before he left the agents to themselves. 

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment and let me know what you think!!!

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm on the bandwagon of Natasha being older than the MCU claims she is, that she's biologically enhanced and all that. But she's still close to Tony's age here for the purpose of my story at least. Also I know that Tony is 16, and a lot of people think he's all dorky and bad at socializing, but I think that growing up with Howard and in the spotlight, he would have grown up fast and learned how to smooze people and be good with them. So I'm going with a cocky, yet still down to earth Tony, which I hope you enjoy. 
> 
> Let me know what you think in the comments!!


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